Oh well tonight I'm giving it another try. You see I've experienced so much in my life, they are simple things but big to me, and one thing that I haven't accomplished yet is being on a game show. So tonight I take the online Jeopardy test again. I took it last year and got my ass kicked even though I studied for weeks, this year I'm going in with no preparation at all. Why not? Busting my ass just got me nervous, doing nothing has me at ease, which hopefully will help. I'll let you all know how I do.
In other news I may be moving within the next couple of years. I hate the winter with a passion and have wanted to move south for some time now, but my family is here and I can't leave them. Well Co's brother moved down to South Carolina a few years back and now her parents are talking about following. Her family is very close and her parents are getting up there in age so she is thinking of following them down there as well. Well if my family is going south I'm going as well. I love the heat so it's good, and a change of scenery would do good for the whole stealth thing as well. I am a little concerned though of how the "T community" is treated down there. I know it's the south and people up here have a pre-conceived notion that they're all rednecks down there. I don't think so though, people are people plain and simple and since I blend pretty well I think I'll be ok. Plus after watching "To Wang Foo Thanks for everything, Julie Newmar" the people of the south take fine to drag queens so why not me. I look a hell of allot better than Wesley Snipes in a dress, unfortunately John Leguizamo got me beat, Chi-Chi was a Latino beauty. Oh well can't smart and pretty too....
Love to all and of course take care....
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Life keeps going...
Well as promised I am trying to write a little more at this time. Life is still going ok at this time. I recently did end up getting my promotion at work. It's hectic right now as I am having to learn a whole bunch of new things and I have more responsibility, but of course I am also getting more money which is nice. It comes at a good time as every year around this time I am reminded how transitioning cost me a career I loved and was great at. Yesterday was the 4 year anniversary of having to tell my boss what was going on, and of course next week is the the anniversary of being asked to leave. It still hurts and probably always will, but you know I have grown so much from the experience, it was the right thing at the time to do, and I am starting to rebuild my career at this time. It's harder for me though now, women don't get the same respect as men still in this day and age. Not to mention I really don't know how much they know about my situation at work, I just choose not to bring it up, I am me, the person who happens to be a tranny, not a tranny first. But if they do it also becomes a hindrance in moving up. I am very proud of myself though for being able to move up if they do know. It's good to know that if they do know I've worked hard enough to overcome any misgivings they may have against the t world, and that it doesn't matter to them enough to hold me back. It's nice to not feel like I have to be always looking over my shoulder waiting to be approached by a member of management to take me into the back and have a little talk. I look forward to the challenge of the new position and have to remember that in the small town I work in that I am somewhat of an ambassador of others on the journey, but not to overburden myself so much by thinking I am so important that everyone is going to base the whole community on my actions. Basically I just need to continue being myself, work hard and leave the purple mini and 6 inch heels at home.
Last week was my birthday and it was ok in some aspects but mainly it sucked. It was good in the way that I got to do something fun in going to the casino to play a little bingo and some slots. I don't know why but I have become fond of the bingo, not that I've won anything yet, but what else can you do at the casino for 4 hours and only spend $20? I again didn't win, but had an ok time. I also was given some free slot play from the casino along with a little money I brought and played quite a long time. After hours of play, eating using my points and a birthday coupon, I left with only $5 less of my slot money then I walked in with, not a bad day. The bad part was I went alone. None of my friends were able to go as it was a normal workday for most people, so I can't really be mad at anyone, it's just tough to not be able to share a good time with someone. A beautiful sunset is nice, but if you don't have someone to share it with it's just not the same. I guess I'm just a little lonely right now. It's been such a long time since someone has loved me romantically for who and what I am. It's a tough life but one that I had no choice but to live, maybe someday love will find me again, yes I said find because right now I'm too afraid to go looking, there's less chance of being hurt that way.
Saturday was great as I had it off too which is an oddity and I got to go watch my daughter play basketball. I am so proud of her, she isn't very good yet, but she tries like hell which is the important part. So few kids who play sports will do it as a job latter in life, but all kids can learn from sports how to work together with others and more importantly the determination it takes to get through this tough thing we call life. I hope she sticks with it and gets the lessons I did when I played sports, lessons that if I hadn't learned might have cost me my life. I've been through so many days when I just wanted to give up the fight, drive off the bridge, lay down and die, but I didn't and I credit those lessons for that fact. Love of course has a great deal to do with it too of course, as much as I've always hated myself, I've known deep down that no matter what I am loved. I don't know why because they say you can't be loved until you learn to love yourself, maybe I'm the exception to the rule, the 1 in 10,000? Why not I've already fallen into that lucky person elsewhere in life.
Oh well enough rambling, I need to recharge after getting my brains scrambled learning my new responsibilities....
Love to all and of course take care...
Last week was my birthday and it was ok in some aspects but mainly it sucked. It was good in the way that I got to do something fun in going to the casino to play a little bingo and some slots. I don't know why but I have become fond of the bingo, not that I've won anything yet, but what else can you do at the casino for 4 hours and only spend $20? I again didn't win, but had an ok time. I also was given some free slot play from the casino along with a little money I brought and played quite a long time. After hours of play, eating using my points and a birthday coupon, I left with only $5 less of my slot money then I walked in with, not a bad day. The bad part was I went alone. None of my friends were able to go as it was a normal workday for most people, so I can't really be mad at anyone, it's just tough to not be able to share a good time with someone. A beautiful sunset is nice, but if you don't have someone to share it with it's just not the same. I guess I'm just a little lonely right now. It's been such a long time since someone has loved me romantically for who and what I am. It's a tough life but one that I had no choice but to live, maybe someday love will find me again, yes I said find because right now I'm too afraid to go looking, there's less chance of being hurt that way.
Saturday was great as I had it off too which is an oddity and I got to go watch my daughter play basketball. I am so proud of her, she isn't very good yet, but she tries like hell which is the important part. So few kids who play sports will do it as a job latter in life, but all kids can learn from sports how to work together with others and more importantly the determination it takes to get through this tough thing we call life. I hope she sticks with it and gets the lessons I did when I played sports, lessons that if I hadn't learned might have cost me my life. I've been through so many days when I just wanted to give up the fight, drive off the bridge, lay down and die, but I didn't and I credit those lessons for that fact. Love of course has a great deal to do with it too of course, as much as I've always hated myself, I've known deep down that no matter what I am loved. I don't know why because they say you can't be loved until you learn to love yourself, maybe I'm the exception to the rule, the 1 in 10,000? Why not I've already fallen into that lucky person elsewhere in life.
Oh well enough rambling, I need to recharge after getting my brains scrambled learning my new responsibilities....
Love to all and of course take care...
Thursday, January 03, 2008
It's been too long...
Ok so I took like half a year off from writing here, not that too many people noticed, I don't have the readership I once had. Maybe because I don't have the energy I once had to write all the time. Life's been good, and good life makes a bad blog. I have been working on a few projects here and there, nothing to write home about. Life hasn't been all roses, but it's allot better off then what it used to be.
The screaming is done, no more "voices" screaming that even though every thing seemed ok it was all wrong. I am physically complete and working on the mental side of life now. I had a good time playing in a women's softball league for the first time and look forward to playing in two different leagues this year. I'm also debating on going back and playing a little hockey as well.
On the cause front, Court and I started a team for the MS walk in May to honor Dr. Petits family. We were hoping to get a large team and raise a good amount of money but so far interest is little if any. We'll have to keep trying, that man gave allot to our community it would be nice to try and give some back.
On the social front, what social front, I work, I come home, I work the next day. Every now and then I go play bingo at the casino(yeah I was a little old lady trapped in a mans body I guess.) No love interests at this time which sucks, but at least I don't have to worry about getting my heart broken I guess.
Work is good for the most part, other than the few assholes that have a problem with me. I've tried to be stealth, but in this day and age it's pretty impossible, it's too small a world. I don't ever deny being what I am, I'm too proud of surviving all I've been through, I just don't go around talking about it. Of course you always have some people that are so insecure with their own life that they need to have problems with other people's lives and cause trouble. There's been some shit said right in front of me that bothered me a great deal, but not enough to ask for heads to roll. If I go around bitching over ever little comment that gets made about me that I happen to over hear pretty soon I'm going to be labeled a complainer and will have to watch my back. Let the assholes have their opinions, let them say little cute things thinking they are hurting me. Truth is words only hurt if you let them, and mean people win only when you let them as well. The best way to deal with an asshole is just ignore them, sooner or latter they get bored and move on to the next person. I've been through too much to let some little haters get me down. I'm not the first person like me at my company, and I'm sure as hell I won't be the last. Pretty soon I should be moving up to a new position, while the jerks who have a problem with me are left behind, my my fitting isn't it?
I will try to write more this year, hopefully not of bad things but of good, even if it is boring. It's odd when you stop and think about it how so many people start off the new year hoping for so much. Maybe that's why the holidays are so depressing for some people? They start the year with big ideas on how this will be the year that changes everything and then when it doesn't happen and the year closes out it becomes depressing. The same could be said on why birthdays are so depressing, another year older and not much has changed. I'm lucky as my birthday comes up a little after the new year so I get all the depressing stuff done early. This year though I not hoping that this will be the year it all comes together. No this will be the year were I plan to take things as they come, to enjoy what I accomplish instead of fretting over what was left undone. This year will be what it will be ,nothing can be done to change it, what I can change is how I look at it and hopefully by December it will have been a fun ride.
Love to all and of course take care.
The screaming is done, no more "voices" screaming that even though every thing seemed ok it was all wrong. I am physically complete and working on the mental side of life now. I had a good time playing in a women's softball league for the first time and look forward to playing in two different leagues this year. I'm also debating on going back and playing a little hockey as well.
On the cause front, Court and I started a team for the MS walk in May to honor Dr. Petits family. We were hoping to get a large team and raise a good amount of money but so far interest is little if any. We'll have to keep trying, that man gave allot to our community it would be nice to try and give some back.
On the social front, what social front, I work, I come home, I work the next day. Every now and then I go play bingo at the casino(yeah I was a little old lady trapped in a mans body I guess.) No love interests at this time which sucks, but at least I don't have to worry about getting my heart broken I guess.
Work is good for the most part, other than the few assholes that have a problem with me. I've tried to be stealth, but in this day and age it's pretty impossible, it's too small a world. I don't ever deny being what I am, I'm too proud of surviving all I've been through, I just don't go around talking about it. Of course you always have some people that are so insecure with their own life that they need to have problems with other people's lives and cause trouble. There's been some shit said right in front of me that bothered me a great deal, but not enough to ask for heads to roll. If I go around bitching over ever little comment that gets made about me that I happen to over hear pretty soon I'm going to be labeled a complainer and will have to watch my back. Let the assholes have their opinions, let them say little cute things thinking they are hurting me. Truth is words only hurt if you let them, and mean people win only when you let them as well. The best way to deal with an asshole is just ignore them, sooner or latter they get bored and move on to the next person. I've been through too much to let some little haters get me down. I'm not the first person like me at my company, and I'm sure as hell I won't be the last. Pretty soon I should be moving up to a new position, while the jerks who have a problem with me are left behind, my my fitting isn't it?
I will try to write more this year, hopefully not of bad things but of good, even if it is boring. It's odd when you stop and think about it how so many people start off the new year hoping for so much. Maybe that's why the holidays are so depressing for some people? They start the year with big ideas on how this will be the year that changes everything and then when it doesn't happen and the year closes out it becomes depressing. The same could be said on why birthdays are so depressing, another year older and not much has changed. I'm lucky as my birthday comes up a little after the new year so I get all the depressing stuff done early. This year though I not hoping that this will be the year it all comes together. No this will be the year were I plan to take things as they come, to enjoy what I accomplish instead of fretting over what was left undone. This year will be what it will be ,nothing can be done to change it, what I can change is how I look at it and hopefully by December it will have been a fun ride.
Love to all and of course take care.
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