Solitude...

My social life really sucks as of late. Yes I had a date, with a psycho, but then again it seems I attract allot of them in my life. The guy won't leave me alone at work, and he hasn't gotten the hint yet. I must really suck at communicating, I have a history of dealing with people who couldn't get the hint, and yet I think I can write a book that is going to sell? Maybe I should reconsider since I have trouble making certain people understand.

On the flip side of things I have been very lonely as of late. I had plans to have supper with Co and the kids Friday night, but her mom decided to a last minute dinner for her brother who is moving away. So no dice, I did get to go out to dinner with Court and Kozi though after we watched poor Court get some new ink. The kids came over after, but were gone early the next day to say their final goodbye to her brother. I feel for her, and will miss him too. I never got to talk to him after my transition, so I don't know he felt, and of course don't get the option of saying goodbye and goodluck. Court went to a party, I went to work after spending most of the day alone again. Today I went to work, and am spending the night alone again. It seems as of late either I am working or nobody is around. It sucks and I hate it to death. Even when I make plans something always seems to come up or the person I had plans with forgets and is off doing shit with someone else. I have surgery coming up soon, and even though the chance is a small one there is still a chance I don't come out of it. More than ever I want and need to be around people to keep me calm, and keep me from thinking about all the bad shit that can happen. But when I need companionship the most it seems to be the most fleeting. Psycho coworkers are the exception of course. If I am short for this earth I don't need my last few weeks on it to be spent by myself wanting for company. Even if my days are long I don't like spending my time like that. I was going to have my pre-pussy party but even that doesn't work out. The day I can do it co-incides with a big music fest a couple of the people go to and the support group picnic. Oh well maybe I'll try after surgery, I'll have more to celebrate then. Oh well I have laundry to do, a wig to wash and some tears to cry. Until next time here's a song for your reading pleasure about my feeling low right now....

Elanor Rigby
The Beatles

Ah, Look at all the lonely people
Ah, Look at all the lonely people

Elanor Rigby picks up the rice in a church where a wedding has been
lives in a dream
waits at the window, wearing a face that she keeps in a jar by the door
who is it for?

All the lonely people
where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
where do they all belong?

Ah, Look at all the lonely people
Ah, Look at all the lonely people

Father McKenzie, writing the words of a sermon that no one will hear
no one comes near
look at him working, darning his socks in the night when there's nobody there
what does he care?

All the lonely people
where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
where do they all belong?

Ah, Look at all the lonely people
Ah, Look at all the lonely people

Elanor Rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name
nobody came
Father McKenzie, wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave
no one was saved

All the lonely people
where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
where do they all belong?