For all the good things going on in my life lately there is still so much pain around me. I see someone hurting in the community all the time. I feel so bad for them all, and want to help everyone I can. But I keep telling myself I'm no super hero, nor do I play one on TV. All I can do is to lend a helpful ear, a bit of advice now and then, and offer a shoulder on which to cry. I've pulled away from allot of the community and only hang with a few folks so I don't get exposed to too much.
Last night though I had to lend a hand to a friend who was tired of hurting and wanted it all to stop. Thankfully she didn't try hard enough. I've been there, done that, still have guilt and such over what I did, and how I'm still here. I feel for her, my scars are very fresh as I was working on the part of my book which is my journal from when I was in the looney bin. I'm going to have to stop for awhile and let these feelings settle just a bit, I don't want to stir them up too much and end up having to deal with that shit all over again.
I hope though I can be a friend to her, and be there for her as she goes through her own shit.She already is lucky to have a friend like Court who spent hours waiting to hear how she is at the hospital, she may still be there today. I don't know if the words fit how she feels or not, if I knew she was hurting so bad I think I would have tried to find her help. This is close to how I felt when I did my attempt, so it will have to do I guess. So for a friend who will remain nameless who has been hurting for awhile today's Tuesday's tune is dedicated to you......
Hurt
Johnny Cash version
I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of thorns
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Big wheel keeps on turning.....
Wow I can't believe that things are finally starting to move along after so long of stagnation and doubt. The way things are going right now things are about to get going so fast the next 5 months are going to fly by.
A week ago I sent a small deposit to the surgeon I've chosen for my srs along with a consent letter and of course a letter explaining my approval letters will be coming from the clinic. I of course also had to send a letter to the clinic in order for them to release my medical information. So you think I'd just sit and wait? Not me I also had to deal with getting a new part time job to help with the airfare, hotel, spending $ etc that I'd need for surgery.
I must be getting better at the interview process or maybe it's because it's retail that I got 2 offers from 2 interviews and only 4 applications. I actually took one of the jobs, but later had to decline for a better offer. I feel bad, but it's a difference of $2 an hour and in retail that's big $.
I don't want to say the name of the company here, but I have to say I was pleasantly surprised to see during orientation that they offer same sex couple benefits. At first I thought it was just because of the state we lived in, but I noticed it did pertain to the country together as a whole. I also had to take a 2nd look at the CT w-4 form that listed civil unions. I guess that things have come a long way. I am happy that society is starting to open up to at least some of the GLBT umbrella. I don't know if they know about me or not, nor am I going to discuss it with anyone there unless I am confronted with it by HR. I'm not going to make the same mistakes twice. I wouldn't doubt though that they know from the background check and to be honest I don't think they care. I know of at least one other person who is trans that happens to work for the same company at a different location. I also did refuse a sales job with this company a few years ago, and he definitely knew about me, I had to tell him since one of my old bosses that knew was his brother in-law. He didn't care, he was surprised to say the least, but didn't care and more importantly told me in no uncertain terms that this big company didn't care. It's nice to see a big company that cares more about what you do for them than what you are.
Now I'm just waiting for the Dr. to get back to me for my phone consult and scheduling. Well wait isn't a good term I guess since I for the next week have 3 jobs. I have to give my notice for the cleaning job and will stay through next weekend for him. Once that's done I'll still be working over 60-70 hours a week between the two jobs. I have to do what I have to do though, I didn't come this far to fall a few grand short. As long as things go well I do plan to keep this new part-time job even after surgery too. It seems like a good company and could someday serve as a fulltime job if I burn out on sales, but that I think is a ways down the road.
Anyway gotta go get ready, have to go back for more classes, go clean and then go see the kids. I'll keep you guys informed as I get more information on the surgery.
Love to all and of course take care.
A week ago I sent a small deposit to the surgeon I've chosen for my srs along with a consent letter and of course a letter explaining my approval letters will be coming from the clinic. I of course also had to send a letter to the clinic in order for them to release my medical information. So you think I'd just sit and wait? Not me I also had to deal with getting a new part time job to help with the airfare, hotel, spending $ etc that I'd need for surgery.
I must be getting better at the interview process or maybe it's because it's retail that I got 2 offers from 2 interviews and only 4 applications. I actually took one of the jobs, but later had to decline for a better offer. I feel bad, but it's a difference of $2 an hour and in retail that's big $.
I don't want to say the name of the company here, but I have to say I was pleasantly surprised to see during orientation that they offer same sex couple benefits. At first I thought it was just because of the state we lived in, but I noticed it did pertain to the country together as a whole. I also had to take a 2nd look at the CT w-4 form that listed civil unions. I guess that things have come a long way. I am happy that society is starting to open up to at least some of the GLBT umbrella. I don't know if they know about me or not, nor am I going to discuss it with anyone there unless I am confronted with it by HR. I'm not going to make the same mistakes twice. I wouldn't doubt though that they know from the background check and to be honest I don't think they care. I know of at least one other person who is trans that happens to work for the same company at a different location. I also did refuse a sales job with this company a few years ago, and he definitely knew about me, I had to tell him since one of my old bosses that knew was his brother in-law. He didn't care, he was surprised to say the least, but didn't care and more importantly told me in no uncertain terms that this big company didn't care. It's nice to see a big company that cares more about what you do for them than what you are.
Now I'm just waiting for the Dr. to get back to me for my phone consult and scheduling. Well wait isn't a good term I guess since I for the next week have 3 jobs. I have to give my notice for the cleaning job and will stay through next weekend for him. Once that's done I'll still be working over 60-70 hours a week between the two jobs. I have to do what I have to do though, I didn't come this far to fall a few grand short. As long as things go well I do plan to keep this new part-time job even after surgery too. It seems like a good company and could someday serve as a fulltime job if I burn out on sales, but that I think is a ways down the road.
Anyway gotta go get ready, have to go back for more classes, go clean and then go see the kids. I'll keep you guys informed as I get more information on the surgery.
Love to all and of course take care.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Did I push her over the edge?..
I was shocked to hear yesterday that a girl I dated for a short time just got arrested for countless cruelty and neglect to animals charges. She wasn't trying to be mean to them but instead had a rescue in her home that just got too big and too much for her and the authorities were called to shut her down. I feel bad for her, I've worked with rescue types when I sold pet food and when I worked at the feed stores. These people love the animals more than most people and the animals become their children. To be accused of hurting them instead of helping them must be devastating for her.
What I have to wonder though is what got her into animal rescue. The article listed her as Ms. and she is still using her maiden name which means she most likely isn't married. Now not to be prejudice or anything but most animal rescue people are lesbians. They have no kids of their own to take care of yet they still have that instinct built in to care and nurture something so they turn to animals. Not a bad thing, just an observation.
Now lets get back to the dating thing. I was never a Casanova by any means, most people I know have slept with more people than I have kissed. Well her and I dated for a short time between K and Co. I had known her from hs and even was going to take her to the prom until one of my other friends talked me out of it. So she forgives me a year later and we go out on a few dates. I kept trying so hard to get her to kiss me, and enlisted the female in the other couple of our double date routine into lending a hand. So she talks to her on the third date and finally gets her to agree to kiss me goodnight. Well like I said I didn't get laid much. As we are kissing the fireworks I'd been hoping for weren't there, we were going in two different directions at the same time. Unfortunately I decided to use my critique in a comical way and said "don't worry, we'll get it right next time." To which she burst into tears slammed the door and ran into the house, we never spoke again. Knowing what I know now I wonder if I was a slight push that made her hate men all together and finally accept the way she was born. What did you think I was going to say I turned her gay? That my friends is so not possible, if I could do that I wouldn't be selling ads.
I feel bad for her right now, yet if I'm right and she is a lesbian I'm kind of laughing right now. I find it hilarious that a now tranny and Lesbian once dated as boy and girl and shared a kiss that didn't work out. I'm tempted to look her up and send my sympathy to her, who knows now that things have changed in my life she may want to be friends again. Of course I could be wrong about her sexuality and a note from me could make her totally flip out and go up to a belltower with a hunting rifle.
I'm going to have to think this one over. If you have any suggestions feel free to comment.
Love to all and take care.
What I have to wonder though is what got her into animal rescue. The article listed her as Ms. and she is still using her maiden name which means she most likely isn't married. Now not to be prejudice or anything but most animal rescue people are lesbians. They have no kids of their own to take care of yet they still have that instinct built in to care and nurture something so they turn to animals. Not a bad thing, just an observation.
Now lets get back to the dating thing. I was never a Casanova by any means, most people I know have slept with more people than I have kissed. Well her and I dated for a short time between K and Co. I had known her from hs and even was going to take her to the prom until one of my other friends talked me out of it. So she forgives me a year later and we go out on a few dates. I kept trying so hard to get her to kiss me, and enlisted the female in the other couple of our double date routine into lending a hand. So she talks to her on the third date and finally gets her to agree to kiss me goodnight. Well like I said I didn't get laid much. As we are kissing the fireworks I'd been hoping for weren't there, we were going in two different directions at the same time. Unfortunately I decided to use my critique in a comical way and said "don't worry, we'll get it right next time." To which she burst into tears slammed the door and ran into the house, we never spoke again. Knowing what I know now I wonder if I was a slight push that made her hate men all together and finally accept the way she was born. What did you think I was going to say I turned her gay? That my friends is so not possible, if I could do that I wouldn't be selling ads.
I feel bad for her right now, yet if I'm right and she is a lesbian I'm kind of laughing right now. I find it hilarious that a now tranny and Lesbian once dated as boy and girl and shared a kiss that didn't work out. I'm tempted to look her up and send my sympathy to her, who knows now that things have changed in my life she may want to be friends again. Of course I could be wrong about her sexuality and a note from me could make her totally flip out and go up to a belltower with a hunting rifle.
I'm going to have to think this one over. If you have any suggestions feel free to comment.
Love to all and take care.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Extremes...
I go to extremes
Billy Joel
Call me a joker, call me a fool
Right at this moment I'm totally cool
Clear as a crystal, sharp as a knife
I feel like I'm in the prime of my life
Sometimes it feels like I'm going too fast
I don't know how long this feeling will last
Maybe it's only tonight
Darling I don't know why I go to extremes
Too high or too low there ain't no in-betweens
And if I stand or I fall
It's all or nothing at all
Darling I don't know why I go to extremes
Sometimes I'm tired, sometimes I'm shot
Sometimes I don't know how much more I've got
Maybe I'm headed over the hill
Maybe I've set myself up for the kill
Tell me how much do you think you can take
Until the heart in you is starting to break?
Sometimes it feels like it will
Darling I don't know why I go to extremes
Too high or too low there ain't no in-betweens
You can be sure when I'm gone
I won't be out there too long
Darling I don't know why I go to extremes
Out of the darkness, into the light
Leaving the scene of the crime
Either I'm wrong or I'm perfectly right every time
Sometimes I lie awake, night after night
Coming apart at the seams
Eager to please, ready to fight
Why do I go to extremes?
And if I stand or I fall
It's all or nothing at all
Darling I don't know why I go to extremes
No I don't know why I go to extremes
Too high or too low
There ain't no in-betweens
You can be sure when I'm gone
I won't be out there too long
Darling I don't know why I go to extremes
I don't know why...I don't know why...
I don't know why...I don't know why...
Out in the dark...into the light...
This song basically sums it up for me lately. Some days I'm doing cartwheels at work other days I'm slipping down to a quiet corner to cry. No I'm not bi-polar, I'm merely in a tough time in my transition. Surgery is looming over the horizon and I keep waiting for something to go wrong and screw the whole thing up somehow just like before. I've been close before, but as everyday goes by I'm going into new territory being closer than before.
I'm not alone in this mind you. This major transition brings with it swings that are high and low. To change something so fundamental in your life really isn't an easy thing to say the least. Life on it's own is filled with enough change and transition on its own. Those of us who chose to change the way that they live their life and how society sees them for better or worse, things can be a bit amped up a bit. So we all tend to have our extremes, the key to surviving them is to not celebrate the highs too much, or mourn the lows too bad. Both can be just as dangerous a trap to fall into. I try to live in the middle, so far it seems to be working out ok.
Love to all and of course take care.
Billy Joel
Call me a joker, call me a fool
Right at this moment I'm totally cool
Clear as a crystal, sharp as a knife
I feel like I'm in the prime of my life
Sometimes it feels like I'm going too fast
I don't know how long this feeling will last
Maybe it's only tonight
Darling I don't know why I go to extremes
Too high or too low there ain't no in-betweens
And if I stand or I fall
It's all or nothing at all
Darling I don't know why I go to extremes
Sometimes I'm tired, sometimes I'm shot
Sometimes I don't know how much more I've got
Maybe I'm headed over the hill
Maybe I've set myself up for the kill
Tell me how much do you think you can take
Until the heart in you is starting to break?
Sometimes it feels like it will
Darling I don't know why I go to extremes
Too high or too low there ain't no in-betweens
You can be sure when I'm gone
I won't be out there too long
Darling I don't know why I go to extremes
Out of the darkness, into the light
Leaving the scene of the crime
Either I'm wrong or I'm perfectly right every time
Sometimes I lie awake, night after night
Coming apart at the seams
Eager to please, ready to fight
Why do I go to extremes?
And if I stand or I fall
It's all or nothing at all
Darling I don't know why I go to extremes
No I don't know why I go to extremes
Too high or too low
There ain't no in-betweens
You can be sure when I'm gone
I won't be out there too long
Darling I don't know why I go to extremes
I don't know why...I don't know why...
I don't know why...I don't know why...
Out in the dark...into the light...
This song basically sums it up for me lately. Some days I'm doing cartwheels at work other days I'm slipping down to a quiet corner to cry. No I'm not bi-polar, I'm merely in a tough time in my transition. Surgery is looming over the horizon and I keep waiting for something to go wrong and screw the whole thing up somehow just like before. I've been close before, but as everyday goes by I'm going into new territory being closer than before.
I'm not alone in this mind you. This major transition brings with it swings that are high and low. To change something so fundamental in your life really isn't an easy thing to say the least. Life on it's own is filled with enough change and transition on its own. Those of us who chose to change the way that they live their life and how society sees them for better or worse, things can be a bit amped up a bit. So we all tend to have our extremes, the key to surviving them is to not celebrate the highs too much, or mourn the lows too bad. Both can be just as dangerous a trap to fall into. I try to live in the middle, so far it seems to be working out ok.
Love to all and of course take care.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Eww and oohh?..
Stinkfist
by Tool
Something has to change.
Un-deniable dilemma.
Boredom’s not a burden
Anyone should bear.
Constant over stimulation numbs me
But I wouldn’t want you
Any other way.
Just, not enough.
I need more.
Nothing seems to satisfy.
I said, I don’t want it.
I just need it.
To breathe, to feel, to know I’m alive.
Finger deep within the borderline.
Show me that you love me and that we belong together.
Relax, turn around and take my hand.
I can help you change
Tired moments into pleasure.
Say the word and we’ll be
Well upon our way.
Blend and balance
Pain and comfort
Deep within you
Till you will not want me any other way.
But, it’s not enough.
I need more.
Nothing seems to satisfy.
I said, I don’t want it.
I just need it.
To breathe, to feel, to know I’m alive.
Knuckle deep inside the borderline.
This may hurt a little but it’s something you’ll get used to.
Relax. slip away.
Something kinda sad about
The way that things have come to be.
Desensitized to everything.
What became of subtlety?
How can it mean anything to me
If I really don’t feel anything at all?
I’ll keep digging till,
I feel something.
Elbow deep inside the borderline.
Show me that you love me and that we belong together.
Shoulder deep within the borderline.
Relax. turn around and take my hand.
Ok those of you with a high IQ or a sick mind know what they are singing about. I was actually amazed how many people don't know the words to songs when I attended a concert Tool put on back in 01. Of course I will admit that they are hard to understand, and I do find myself doublechecking what I think I heard often. So even though it's an eww, it reminds me about how in her presentation at first event Marci told us how she was asked "how soon till we can fist f*&% again after surgery?" Well I hope I'm that excited about using my new anatomy one day. This song though also talks about something that too many people don't explore. Not so much in giving or taking a fist, but in trying something different. So many times in life we refuse to do something just before we never did it before. I'm not saying to do odd things, but if you have someone special that you have sex with, try something a little different, the worse thing that could happen is it doesn't work and you get a laugh out of it.
Speaking of that it's time for the "oohh?" part. Depending on how a particular meeting goes today at work I should be calling a certain Dr. down in Fla to book a date for srs. I will let you know when I know. I don't want to go into too much now, but when I get my date expect allot.
Love to all, be nice to each other, and take care.
by Tool
Something has to change.
Un-deniable dilemma.
Boredom’s not a burden
Anyone should bear.
Constant over stimulation numbs me
But I wouldn’t want you
Any other way.
Just, not enough.
I need more.
Nothing seems to satisfy.
I said, I don’t want it.
I just need it.
To breathe, to feel, to know I’m alive.
Finger deep within the borderline.
Show me that you love me and that we belong together.
Relax, turn around and take my hand.
I can help you change
Tired moments into pleasure.
Say the word and we’ll be
Well upon our way.
Blend and balance
Pain and comfort
Deep within you
Till you will not want me any other way.
But, it’s not enough.
I need more.
Nothing seems to satisfy.
I said, I don’t want it.
I just need it.
To breathe, to feel, to know I’m alive.
Knuckle deep inside the borderline.
This may hurt a little but it’s something you’ll get used to.
Relax. slip away.
Something kinda sad about
The way that things have come to be.
Desensitized to everything.
What became of subtlety?
How can it mean anything to me
If I really don’t feel anything at all?
I’ll keep digging till,
I feel something.
Elbow deep inside the borderline.
Show me that you love me and that we belong together.
Shoulder deep within the borderline.
Relax. turn around and take my hand.
Ok those of you with a high IQ or a sick mind know what they are singing about. I was actually amazed how many people don't know the words to songs when I attended a concert Tool put on back in 01. Of course I will admit that they are hard to understand, and I do find myself doublechecking what I think I heard often. So even though it's an eww, it reminds me about how in her presentation at first event Marci told us how she was asked "how soon till we can fist f*&% again after surgery?" Well I hope I'm that excited about using my new anatomy one day. This song though also talks about something that too many people don't explore. Not so much in giving or taking a fist, but in trying something different. So many times in life we refuse to do something just before we never did it before. I'm not saying to do odd things, but if you have someone special that you have sex with, try something a little different, the worse thing that could happen is it doesn't work and you get a laugh out of it.
Speaking of that it's time for the "oohh?" part. Depending on how a particular meeting goes today at work I should be calling a certain Dr. down in Fla to book a date for srs. I will let you know when I know. I don't want to go into too much now, but when I get my date expect allot.
Love to all, be nice to each other, and take care.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Pandora's box...
Ok I know I promised this awhile ago and I did write this blog already but it failed to publish and is currently floating around somewhere in never-never land. Maybe it might be better off there, but I have to say what I have to say, even if I piss some folks off in the process.
Ok flashback to a few years ago. There was a big stink out there all about one Josef Kirchner aka the regrettable tranny. Josef had found a "cure" for transexualism and was condemning us for wanting to go through the surgery and/or supporting surgery. You see he had transitioned early in life, and found after awhile it was a big mistake. Now unfortunately at the time he wasn't too pleasant to most trannies, he was pissed, which I guess I can't blame him on. He was however willing to talk.
I started to send him emails, and our conversations were hostile at first, which was partially my fault. I was new to transition and thought I was hot shit and knew everything and thought I could talk some sense into him. Well a funny thing happened though, we started to agree on stuff to a point. I found a connection with the monster everyone else saw. We both thought that changes needed to happen to the system for us. Of course my changes were a bit less drastic than his gasoline and torch approach. Regardless over time our emails got less hostile and I found an ok place with him. Even from the beginning I felt such pain for what he was going through and over time didn't pay much attention to the venomous words he was using.
Well fast forward to today and Josef has done what he can to reverse some of the stuff he had done and is living as much of man as he can. Along the way though he learned he was wrong about the curing part. He realized he was brainwashed by a manipulative bunch of folks who got inside his head and made him think that we had done all this to him. Through a bunch of pain he has apologized and tried to reach out to our group but to little avail. Which I find horrible.
We have all been through a great deal and this poor soul has been through double if not more. He was used by zealots who's only agenda is to destroy our kind and was put through hell. I know he made some very public mistakes and said some hurtful stuff, but who reading this isn't human? I'm not saying to give the guy a parade or anything, but a little compassion wouldn't hurt. If we can't be open and accepting to someone in our own community how can we expect others not in our community to do so?
Ok I've said my peace, and how I feel on his story. If you'd like to hear about it in his own words and see the underlying reasons that I don't feel is my place to share just google his name and find his site. It's been a long time since I've had to add a link to a post not to mention I don't want to have folks just clicking to slam the guy.
Lets leave mistakes of the past live there and try to live for less mistakes ahead of us.
Love to ALL, take care....
Ok flashback to a few years ago. There was a big stink out there all about one Josef Kirchner aka the regrettable tranny. Josef had found a "cure" for transexualism and was condemning us for wanting to go through the surgery and/or supporting surgery. You see he had transitioned early in life, and found after awhile it was a big mistake. Now unfortunately at the time he wasn't too pleasant to most trannies, he was pissed, which I guess I can't blame him on. He was however willing to talk.
I started to send him emails, and our conversations were hostile at first, which was partially my fault. I was new to transition and thought I was hot shit and knew everything and thought I could talk some sense into him. Well a funny thing happened though, we started to agree on stuff to a point. I found a connection with the monster everyone else saw. We both thought that changes needed to happen to the system for us. Of course my changes were a bit less drastic than his gasoline and torch approach. Regardless over time our emails got less hostile and I found an ok place with him. Even from the beginning I felt such pain for what he was going through and over time didn't pay much attention to the venomous words he was using.
Well fast forward to today and Josef has done what he can to reverse some of the stuff he had done and is living as much of man as he can. Along the way though he learned he was wrong about the curing part. He realized he was brainwashed by a manipulative bunch of folks who got inside his head and made him think that we had done all this to him. Through a bunch of pain he has apologized and tried to reach out to our group but to little avail. Which I find horrible.
We have all been through a great deal and this poor soul has been through double if not more. He was used by zealots who's only agenda is to destroy our kind and was put through hell. I know he made some very public mistakes and said some hurtful stuff, but who reading this isn't human? I'm not saying to give the guy a parade or anything, but a little compassion wouldn't hurt. If we can't be open and accepting to someone in our own community how can we expect others not in our community to do so?
Ok I've said my peace, and how I feel on his story. If you'd like to hear about it in his own words and see the underlying reasons that I don't feel is my place to share just google his name and find his site. It's been a long time since I've had to add a link to a post not to mention I don't want to have folks just clicking to slam the guy.
Lets leave mistakes of the past live there and try to live for less mistakes ahead of us.
Love to ALL, take care....
Tuesday's tune
Freedom 90
George Michael
I won't let you down
I will not give you up
Gotta have some faith in the sound
It's the one good thing that I've got
I won't let you down
So please don't give me up
Because I would really, realy love to stick around, oh yeah
Heaven knows that I was just a young boy
Didn't know what I wanted to be
I was every little hungry schoolgirl's pride and joy
And I guess it was enough for me
To win the race? A prettier face!
Brand new clothes and a big fat place
On your rock and roll TV
But today the way I play the game is not the same
No way
Think I'm gonna get myself happy
I think there's something you should know
I think it's time I told you so
There's something deep inside of me
There's someone else I've got to be
Take back your picture in a frame
Take back your singing in the rain
I just hope you understand
Sometimes the clothes do not make the man
All we have to do now
Is take these lies and make them true somehow
All we have to see
Is that I don't belong to you
And you don't belong to me
Freedom
You've gotta give for what you take
Freedom
You've gotta give for what you take
Heaven knows we sure had some fun boy
What a kick just a buddy and me
We had every big shot good-time band on the run boy
We were living in a fantasy
We won the race
Got out of the place
I went back home got a brand new face
For the boys on MTV
But today the way I play the game has got to change
Oh yeah
Now I'm gonna get myself happy
I think there's something you should know
I think it's time I stopped the show
There's something deep inside of me
There's someone I forgot to be
Take back your picture in a frame
Don't think that I'll be back again
I just hope you understand
Sometimes the clothes do not make the man
All we have to do now
Is take these lies and make them true somehow
All we have to see
Is that I don't belong to you
And you don't belong to me
Freedom
You've gotta give for what you take
Freedom
You've gotta give for what you take
Well it looks like the road to heaven
But it feels like the road to hell
When I knew which side my bread was buttered
I took the knife as well
Posing for another picture
Everybody's got to sell
But when you shake your ass
They notice fast
And some mistakes were built to last
That's what you get
I say that's what you get
That's what you get for changing your mind
And after all this time
I just hope you understand
Sometimes the clothes
Do not make the man
I'll hold on to my freedom
May not be what you want from me
Just the way it's got to be
Lose the face now
I've got to live
Ok I know I don't seem to be the kind of person who would listen to pop crap. However anyone who knows me knows I listen to music for it's lyrics more than anything. This song says so much to me about living your life for you and not as other people want you to be.
I found my own freedom of sorts when I transitioned, but also found out quickly I also had the freedom to live by my own rules and morals. Fortunately it has worked out very good so far. I don't know of a single person who has as good as a relationship with their spouse as I have been able to maintain. I may have lost having a romantic relationship with her, but in the process found what love and friendship truly are. I have also made some really good friends in this journey while not having to change who I was in order to get them.
You see transitioning on it's own wasn't finding the true me, what I've done since I've attained my new freedom though is. I've found a way to be true to myself and not go crazy once I started living as what I should have been all along. It makes it worth all the pain I've been through knowing I was able to keep the good things about me while so much in my life changed.
Love to all, and g'nite.
George Michael
I won't let you down
I will not give you up
Gotta have some faith in the sound
It's the one good thing that I've got
I won't let you down
So please don't give me up
Because I would really, realy love to stick around, oh yeah
Heaven knows that I was just a young boy
Didn't know what I wanted to be
I was every little hungry schoolgirl's pride and joy
And I guess it was enough for me
To win the race? A prettier face!
Brand new clothes and a big fat place
On your rock and roll TV
But today the way I play the game is not the same
No way
Think I'm gonna get myself happy
I think there's something you should know
I think it's time I told you so
There's something deep inside of me
There's someone else I've got to be
Take back your picture in a frame
Take back your singing in the rain
I just hope you understand
Sometimes the clothes do not make the man
All we have to do now
Is take these lies and make them true somehow
All we have to see
Is that I don't belong to you
And you don't belong to me
Freedom
You've gotta give for what you take
Freedom
You've gotta give for what you take
Heaven knows we sure had some fun boy
What a kick just a buddy and me
We had every big shot good-time band on the run boy
We were living in a fantasy
We won the race
Got out of the place
I went back home got a brand new face
For the boys on MTV
But today the way I play the game has got to change
Oh yeah
Now I'm gonna get myself happy
I think there's something you should know
I think it's time I stopped the show
There's something deep inside of me
There's someone I forgot to be
Take back your picture in a frame
Don't think that I'll be back again
I just hope you understand
Sometimes the clothes do not make the man
All we have to do now
Is take these lies and make them true somehow
All we have to see
Is that I don't belong to you
And you don't belong to me
Freedom
You've gotta give for what you take
Freedom
You've gotta give for what you take
Well it looks like the road to heaven
But it feels like the road to hell
When I knew which side my bread was buttered
I took the knife as well
Posing for another picture
Everybody's got to sell
But when you shake your ass
They notice fast
And some mistakes were built to last
That's what you get
I say that's what you get
That's what you get for changing your mind
And after all this time
I just hope you understand
Sometimes the clothes
Do not make the man
I'll hold on to my freedom
May not be what you want from me
Just the way it's got to be
Lose the face now
I've got to live
Ok I know I don't seem to be the kind of person who would listen to pop crap. However anyone who knows me knows I listen to music for it's lyrics more than anything. This song says so much to me about living your life for you and not as other people want you to be.
I found my own freedom of sorts when I transitioned, but also found out quickly I also had the freedom to live by my own rules and morals. Fortunately it has worked out very good so far. I don't know of a single person who has as good as a relationship with their spouse as I have been able to maintain. I may have lost having a romantic relationship with her, but in the process found what love and friendship truly are. I have also made some really good friends in this journey while not having to change who I was in order to get them.
You see transitioning on it's own wasn't finding the true me, what I've done since I've attained my new freedom though is. I've found a way to be true to myself and not go crazy once I started living as what I should have been all along. It makes it worth all the pain I've been through knowing I was able to keep the good things about me while so much in my life changed.
Love to all, and g'nite.
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