Classic frivolity...

Ok I was working on the book last night and saved my new chapter to somewhere besides where I usually do so. While searching for it this morning I came across something I wrote 3 or 4 years ago that got me on a radio show.

You see The Vagina monologues were just getting big back then, and a local dj Dee Snider, yes the same Dee from Twisted Sister decided to have the Penis diaries. So he asked for listeners to write poems or stories about their penis. Of course I had to try and got an invite to the celebration for my submission. It was free breakfast and I got to meet the man behind the hair and spandex. Looking over it now I have to wonder who the hell I was trying to kid, them or me? It's odd reading it now, and even odder to remember that at one time I used to submit stuff to his show as Mr. Fister. Of course I also remember sending stuff in as Whitey McCracker also, I guess life was easier back then and I had spare time to create names and get on the radio.

Do enjoy this little blast from the past, forgive the misspelling and I hope it brings a smile to your face.

ODE TO MR. HAPPY
PURPLE HELMETED WARRIOR,
HOW I WISH YOU COULD DO MORE.
YOU DO YOUR JOB ONCE,
AND THEN YOU'RE DONE.
LEFT WARM AND WET,
LIKE A FRESH STICKY BUN.

WHEN I WEAR TIGHT PANTS,
YOU GET IN THE WAY.
AND THE WAY YOU WAKE UP AT INAPROPRIATE TIMES,
I SOMETIMES THINK YOU ARE GAY.

WOMEN HAVE ENVYED YOU
FROM THE BEGINING OF TIME
BUT THEY DON'T HAVE A CLUE.
THEY SEE POWER AND PLACE
FOR ALL THAT POSSES.
BUT HAVE NEVER EXPERINCED TRYING TO PEE WITH MORNING WOOD,
OH WHAT A MESS.

I LOVE THAT YOU'RE THERE,
DON'T GET ME WRONG.
IF NOT FOR YOU AND THE BOYS,
I WOULD NOT BE AS STRONG.

BUT FOR ALL THAT YOU'RE WORTH,
YOU CAN GET IN THE WAY.
SO PLEASE CAN YOU GIVE ME DAY OFF
JUST FOR ONE DAY.
A DAY WITHOUT PAIN,
WHENEVER A FINE LADY WALKS BYE.
A DAY NOT TO HAVE TO ITCH
FROM THE SWEAT YOU COLLECT.
A DAY WITHOUT AIMING TO HIT THE BOWL.
A DAY TO BE ABLE,
TO THINK ON MY OWN.

BUT I COULD BE WORSE,
OF THIS I AM SURE.
IF YOU BLED THAT WAY,
I'M SURE THERE WOULD BE NO CURE.

AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO PRODUCE,
A BABY WHEN IT'S READY.
IF YOU DID,
WE'D ALL LOOK LIKE SPAGHETTI.

AND YES YOU'RE NOT OGLLED,
BY THE OPPISTIE SEX.
THEY SEEM TO HAVE BETTER THINGS ON THEIR MINDS,
BUT STILL ENJOY YOU YET.

THE NICK NAMES YOU HAVE,
HAVE BECOME SUCH A BORE.
TRY NAMEINVAGINAINIA,
AND YOU'LL BE SLAPPED FOR SURE.

YES LADIES IT TOUGHER THAN YOU THINK,
TO OWN THIS TOOL.
BUT WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE,
I'D RATHER BE ME THAN YOU.

MR. FISTER