Holiday Math...

Ok friends of mine are out of town and I had to go check on their apartment and cats today. I also felt a draft so I went and checked out the bathroom where it seemed to be coming from. The window was ok, I adjusted the heat slightly and saw they had a scale. I haven't been on my scale in so long I just had to see what theirs said. I was upset at first, but then I forgot to factor in the math.

I've always been bad with math this time of year. I used to balance my checkbook by writing checks until I got an overdraft notice. I used to use my credit cards until they were declined. I thought it was a good system, but then again I just dealt with bankruptcy last year. Anyway since that awful day I had to go before a bunch of people and declare I was a deadbeat, among other things, I decided to do the math. Science and nature are full of numbers and with them all of lives questions could be solved.

So using this math can explain why the scale read so high. First I had my glasses on and they are real glass. Now I remember learning that Plexiglas is half the weight of glass, meaning glass is twice as heavy so I multiplied my weight by.5. I also had my gold earrings on and anyone who had chemistry knows that gold has a heavy weight to it so I multiplied again by .8. I also had a necklace that Courtney gave me last night when I went to visit her and again it's a heavy metal but not gold so this time I multiplied by .95. I was wearing my nicotine patch which again has metal in it but only aluminum, so I won't count that, just to give a little leeway. I did drink allot of water going to and from NY to see Court, and 1 gallon of water weighs 8.5lbs so I subtracted that too. After the math I found my real weight is only 25lbs. I'm so glad I could figure it out.

Hope you have a great holiday of your choice, and if you are worried the scales will be high for you afterwards just remember to do the math.

Love, take care, and happy____________.
(fill in holiday here)

Pardon my lack of holiday spirit...

Its just one of those days

When you don't wanna wake up

Everything is fucked

Everybody sux

You don't really know why

But want justify

Rippin' someone's head off

No human contact

And if you interact

Your life is on contract

Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker

It's just one of those days!!

Limp Bizkit-Break stuff

Ok I know not very cheery or in the holiday mood. Also it's not very lady like but today was just one of those days and I really would like to rip someone's head off.

It started simply enough, I decided that today is my last day of smoking because a certain surgey I've been working towards may be on the close horizon. Unfortunately when I went to the store this morning to buy what hopefully is my last pack of smokes I slipped on ice, popped my bad knee out(which promptly went right back in) and luckily caught myself before I smacked my head on the pavement which no doubt would have resulted in a bloody wigless head.

So with me trying to look at the bright side of things in that I didn't get too hurt or flip my wig so to speak I just took it as a sign that the time is indeed right to quit smoking. So I get this idea that I should track my weight gain. I'd always in the old days do so by seeing how lose my old wedding ring was on my finger. Unfortunately when I went to find said ring which I've kept in the same safe place in my car so it would always be near me, it was gone. I was so upset I pulled my car to the side of the highway and started frantically tear the center console of my car apart looking for my beloved ring.

Now I've never been into material things, even now I own and wear minimal simple jewelry. That ring meant everything to me though. It stood for a love that was strong enough to stay a close friendship through all this. Co and I aren't ever going to be like we were, we've both agreed on that, but that ring reminded me of a simpler time when I could handle being a guy and I thought everything could be cured by love. A time when all I needed was her and to be loved by her.

I don't know exactly who the bastard is who took my ring, or how they got it. My car is always locked. I don't take many people in it. The best I can guess is that it was swiped at the oil change place. I'm so damn pissed about it I am putting a curse on whoever took it. If you are a straight guy I hope your dick falls off and your balls swell up to the size of watermellons. If you are a girl I hope your tits shrivel and your pussy closes shut. If you are a mtf I hope your dick grows back. And if I ever catch you in the immortal words of Duke Nukem I'll rip your head off and shit down your neck.

Again sorry for venting and not being in the holiday spirit, but today I just found out some Grinch stole my past and has ruined my Christmas.

Classic frivolity...

Ok I was working on the book last night and saved my new chapter to somewhere besides where I usually do so. While searching for it this morning I came across something I wrote 3 or 4 years ago that got me on a radio show.

You see The Vagina monologues were just getting big back then, and a local dj Dee Snider, yes the same Dee from Twisted Sister decided to have the Penis diaries. So he asked for listeners to write poems or stories about their penis. Of course I had to try and got an invite to the celebration for my submission. It was free breakfast and I got to meet the man behind the hair and spandex. Looking over it now I have to wonder who the hell I was trying to kid, them or me? It's odd reading it now, and even odder to remember that at one time I used to submit stuff to his show as Mr. Fister. Of course I also remember sending stuff in as Whitey McCracker also, I guess life was easier back then and I had spare time to create names and get on the radio.

Do enjoy this little blast from the past, forgive the misspelling and I hope it brings a smile to your face.

ODE TO MR. HAPPY
PURPLE HELMETED WARRIOR,
HOW I WISH YOU COULD DO MORE.
YOU DO YOUR JOB ONCE,
AND THEN YOU'RE DONE.
LEFT WARM AND WET,
LIKE A FRESH STICKY BUN.

WHEN I WEAR TIGHT PANTS,
YOU GET IN THE WAY.
AND THE WAY YOU WAKE UP AT INAPROPRIATE TIMES,
I SOMETIMES THINK YOU ARE GAY.

WOMEN HAVE ENVYED YOU
FROM THE BEGINING OF TIME
BUT THEY DON'T HAVE A CLUE.
THEY SEE POWER AND PLACE
FOR ALL THAT POSSES.
BUT HAVE NEVER EXPERINCED TRYING TO PEE WITH MORNING WOOD,
OH WHAT A MESS.

I LOVE THAT YOU'RE THERE,
DON'T GET ME WRONG.
IF NOT FOR YOU AND THE BOYS,
I WOULD NOT BE AS STRONG.

BUT FOR ALL THAT YOU'RE WORTH,
YOU CAN GET IN THE WAY.
SO PLEASE CAN YOU GIVE ME DAY OFF
JUST FOR ONE DAY.
A DAY WITHOUT PAIN,
WHENEVER A FINE LADY WALKS BYE.
A DAY NOT TO HAVE TO ITCH
FROM THE SWEAT YOU COLLECT.
A DAY WITHOUT AIMING TO HIT THE BOWL.
A DAY TO BE ABLE,
TO THINK ON MY OWN.

BUT I COULD BE WORSE,
OF THIS I AM SURE.
IF YOU BLED THAT WAY,
I'M SURE THERE WOULD BE NO CURE.

AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO PRODUCE,
A BABY WHEN IT'S READY.
IF YOU DID,
WE'D ALL LOOK LIKE SPAGHETTI.

AND YES YOU'RE NOT OGLLED,
BY THE OPPISTIE SEX.
THEY SEEM TO HAVE BETTER THINGS ON THEIR MINDS,
BUT STILL ENJOY YOU YET.

THE NICK NAMES YOU HAVE,
HAVE BECOME SUCH A BORE.
TRY NAMEINVAGINAINIA,
AND YOU'LL BE SLAPPED FOR SURE.

YES LADIES IT TOUGHER THAN YOU THINK,
TO OWN THIS TOOL.
BUT WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE,
I'D RATHER BE ME THAN YOU.

MR. FISTER

Phew...

Ok I think I'm finally done knitting holiday presents, and am almost finished with my shopping. Now I can get back to my normal schedule of working on the book and an occasional blog entry too.

I may have allot to blog about shortly too. I don't want to jinx things so I will keep relatively quiet on the subject now, but I have some really good news potentially entering my horizon. Like I said I don't want to say too much now, but I am one little step closer to a big goal of mine. If the other two fall into place I'm really going to have a great 2006. Even so I can't help but worry something nasty is going to come up and snatch things right from my grasp. Keep your fingers crossed if you would for me.

Love to all, take care, and g'day.

Courtney loves her Chachi...

No it's not a new bad retro sitcom coming to UPN, it's referring to my friend Court getting her surgery today. Ok I see you scratching your heads via the hidden webcam I have in your house, so let me explain.

You see when we were kids my little sister called her vagina "Chachi." I'm not really sure why she just did. It made me think though when that Joanie loves Chachi sitcom started. I'd always thought Erin Moran was a bit dikey already, and that title just reinforced the idea in my head. But the nickname stuck in my little brain for all these years, and I still refer to it as Chachi.

Anyway enough with my sick sense of humor, congrats to Courtney hope she finds the happiness she was in pursuit of all these years, and I hope she continues to love her Chachi.

Love to all and g'nite.

Next stop destiny....

Everyone who travels on this journey in gender takes a different path. Most make it to their destination, some do not, but all meet their destiny. I came close to meeting my own bad end a year and half ago, but I guess my destiny is different, or at least wasn't ready to be reached quite yet.

Today one of my very best friends flew out on a special trip and in a few days goes in to meet her destiny, well ok fulfill part of her destiny, that first way sounds bleak. She will finally get fixed what life had screwed up on her. I am proud of her for getting there and can't wait to hear she got through it all ok.

To use her words it's sort of a graduation. To me it's kind like getting your PhD. To get approval from hormones is kinda like graduating high school. Getting approval for surgery is like graduating college. Any of the various in-between surgeries are masters degrees, and of course srs is your PhD. Funny though they don't have scholarships for these degrees, you're on you own to earn them.

For me I'm working on a masters in being testosterone free, and hopefully will be getting there within a few months. My PhD is a ways off, but I will continue to work towards it.

For now I'm going to be congratulating my friend and letting her have her moment, and soak in all of it. She worked hard to get there and deserves all the completeness I hope surgery will bring her. I'm also looking forward once she's healed for our kids to spend more time together. They are close in age and recently met. I think it's vital for the kids to see they are not alone, and there are other kids out there who's family is going through the same thing. Thinking you're alone in a struggle breeds depression and low self esteem, trust me on this one. At least they will have the comfort of not being alone, and hopefully will be less screwed up than I am.

I will let you all know how she pulls through which will be just fine, she's in good hands and they know what they are doing there. Maybe someday I can afford to go and get to fufil part of my destiny too.

Love to all, and g'nite.

Why am I such a misfit...?

Ok no I am not having another pity party. It's just one of the songs from my favorite Christmas specials, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. I'm reminded of it for 2 reasons, firstly it's Christmas time, duh. Secondly I won a Hermie the elf doll today from a skill crane.

It's funny how I keep finding similarities between mainstream pop culture and my own life. In the show Hermie the elf doesn't want to be an elf, he wants to be a dentist and when he tells everyone he is ostracized and sent to the shadows. Rudolf has a birth defect and gets the same treatment. The similarities scream at me. I felt like such a misfit growing up a boy who wanted nothing more than to be a girl. I was too afraid to tell anyone for fear I'd be ostracized for my feelings. When I finally came out, I lost my job, some friends & family the just like them . They had a happy ending in less than an hour though, my happy ending is taking a bit longer. But I'm sure eventually it will come.

Thank you Rudolph, Hermie, and all who lived on the Isle of misfit toys for making me feel ok being a misfit. I wouldn't want to live in a world where everyone was the same, and feel into neat little boxes.

Love to all, take care & g'nite