Pooking pa nub...

Ok the only people who get that title watched SNL when Eddie Murphy was a big player there. For those who didn't watch, you won't get it right away.

As I have stated before my current workplace is an interesting place indeed. We are a temp agency, and most of the workers we put out are poc, ex-cons, homeless, or all of the above. When I first started they used to hit on me constantly, until I started telling them off. Eventually I explained enough times that I can't date temps according to company policy so that it stopped for the most part. I should say the hitting on stopped, the staring at my ass didn't.

Well word that I am leaving has finally gotten around, and today I had my first asking for my phone # in a long time. He is an older very tall man,with really big feet, ouch looks to be in his late 40's, and seems pleasant enough. He came up to me, and says he wants to see me again, and admitted he has a crush on me and wants to get to know me better. I am at a loss. There is no way in hell that I'm going to give my phone number to him, it just isn't going to happen. I do think it is sweet that he wants to get to know me better, but am wondering why when he hardly knows me.

I am not looking for love at this time, I'm too afraid that I'm going to hook up with someone who is going to flip out when they figure out my past. I really don't want to hurt anyone, nor do I want to end up on the remembering our dead website. I could however use some friends out of my community. My goals in my transition is not to live my life as a tranny, but to live my life as a woman. Yeah I know, I'm not even totally sure what I mean by that myself. I guess what I am trying to say is I need to do some things that don't revolve around the community, mainstream things that I would be doing anyway if I had just been born a female in the first place. I know it sounds kinda snooty, and holier than though, but I don't mean to be that way. I am not turning my back on my community, it will forever be a part of my life, and is who I am. I just need to live a balanced life with both trans and mainstream. Why am I apologizing for how I live my life? It's mine, I've got no reason to apologize to anyone for that, as long as I don't harm anyone.

Anyway, now that I'm done talking to myself. I am thinking that I may just give this guy my work address, and ask him to write me there to start with. I want to get to know him better before we go to the phone. If he is honest and sincere, he'll do it. The thing is I don't know if he is a murder, rapist, psycho, or a gentleman, and obviously he doesn't know if I am or was either. I am going to do a little research on him before I do this. If he's on the sex offender registry forget it, and I will tell him that. If not, and I can find out some more info I just may. I just don't want to dismiss something right off the bat that may be something I want down the road. You never know when you might need a big male friend to stick up for you one day if nothing else.

Love to all, and g'nite.