Ok it's not too many times I get to cover two very different sides of the spectrum with just one title.
Last night I flipped my wig, big time, and if I had a weapon I would have killed a man. I have been experiencing tooth pain for awhile, and had set up an appointment at Aspen dental 2 weeks ago for last night at 7:10pm. I showed up early and started ready the old People magazines that littered the waiting room. The old me would go for Popular Science, or Popular Mechanics. Doing that these days would bring unwanted attention to me, so I go for the mind numbing People instead. I did learn however and much to my shock that supposedly Marilyn Monroe and Joan Crawford had a one night lesbian fling. The thought of those two as a couple is mind numbing and interesting at the same time. "no, not the double action vibrating black thunder with spikes mommy dearest..." Sorry I couldn't help myself.
So anyway as I am patiently waiting and imagining all sorts of odd things about those two I sat for awhile. About 7:40 they call me up to the desk to tell me they won't be able to see me that night. I calmly and politely informed them that I recently changed jobs and my insurance was running out on Wednesday. They went back to tell the Dr. and were trying to convince the dickhead to see me. After another 10 minutes he agreed. He sat me down, started telling me how long his day had been. He worked a whole 8 hours without a real break, only taking 5 minutes here and there to snack. Awww poor baby, I should have gone and gotten him a fucking diaper out in the car. He took a quick 10 second look in my mouth and told me "nope I'm sorry it's going to take me 30minutes. I too hungry and tired, it will take too long." At this point I scoped out what dental tools were around that I could stick in his neck and twist till his eyes popped out his head. Kill the pig, slit it's throat, badger it, badger it! I was so filled with rage and anger it wasn't funny. I took a deep breath, collected my things and walked out of the office crying.
What you wanna make something of it, yeah I cried, I'm allowed to do that now, and I can still kick your ass too.
I was so upset. I had an appointment, I was in pain, my insurance was running out, I knew I was/am screwed. I wrote a nasty email to the corporate office which I'm sure will get me know satisfaction. So my dear readers I will tell you, DON'T GO TO ASPEN DENTAL, ANYWHERE, ANYHOW. THEY PROVIDE ZERO CUSTOMER SERVICE, AND HAVE DR'S THAT ONLY CARE ABOUT THEMSELVES.
The other side of "flipping my wig" came today. I have been working on an ad for a hairdresser who is moving to a new salon. I for some reason have been afraid of hairdressers since my transition. I figured they would see right through my wig and make me. It's odd but the only two things I seem to be truly afraid of after my near death episode of last year are teenage girls and hairdressers. I told you why the hairdressers, but I can't even figure out myself why teenage girls. Anyway this gal comes in and she wants to change the picture of herself in the ad. I told her it looked great and she had no reason to change it. She replied "that's easy for you to say, you have beautiful hair, with that nice flip and all."
I was amazed she couldn't spot that it was a wig. I had gotten compliments before, but never from a hairdresser. It was a comforting lift on a day that I needed it. Thank God I get these little moments from time to time. One must learn to cherish these and glean from them what you can instead of focusing on all the bad stuff in your life. Life is too hard and too short to focus on the bad, and there is so much good to found in so many things.
I need to head to bed, last night was full of odd and scary dreams about the end of the world and some weirdo trying to break into the house. Not to mention I actually blogged 2x this week and worked both jobs tonight.
Love to all, don't go to Aspen, and g'nite.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Monday, August 29, 2005
Dis, dat and da utter thing...
Sorry I'm continuing to be an odd mood of late, the title sounded cute. I know I haven't blogged in a bit, haven't had the time to. So I'll try to cover as much as I can.
Work is ok. My boss has been on vacation seeing her brand new grandson, so it has been quiet. Everybody is on pins and needles for her return since her assistant annouced she is leaving at the end of this week. I can't blame her for leaving she is going to make much more $ than she can make at the paper. Everyone is worried that the boss is going to take out her stress on everyone since she will be doing extra work. I worried at first, but I can't really control how she acts, I can control how I react to it. It's taken me over 35 years to learn, but people really shouldn't worry about shit they can't control, it's wasted energy. My boss is a good person inside, she sometimes lets the stress make her seem not so nice. I can't blame her, she has a stressful job as it is, nevermind adding extra work to it. I'm sure we'll all be fine, we did it before and are still alive, we will all get through it this time too.
Speaking of work, I had an odd situation happen today. I was talking with a co-worker about birthdays. Her birthday is coming up, and told her mine as we were born the same year. I said "mine's easy, I'm the first born and my b-day is 1/11." She replied" oh so you were the first twin born? How much older are you?" I said I didn't remember nor did I want to talk about it. I had forgotten part of my cover story with her was I had a twin brother Scott, and Co was married to him, which is why I was always talking to co and doing stuff with her.
I hate the fact that I did that. But I can't turn back the clock and change things now. I was early into my transition when I told her this, I was "young" and didn't know any better. I don't bother making up elaborate stories much anymore, it makes me feel dirty and cheap when I lie like that. I have enough self esteem issues as it is not to have to add more logs to the fire.
It's funny that just last week I saw a show on one of the Discovery channels about people in the witness relocation program. They were interviewing folks that had been in the program, and the hardships they went through in the process. They had to get new names, gave up their friends and family, had no work history, and had to come up with phony histories to fit in. Hmmm sounds awful familiar. Almost every damn Tranny goes through the same shit, minus the government assistance. We lose so much for something that is not our fault. I don't feel sorry for most of the people they talked to. All but one were crooks that were caught and decided to snitch on their cohorts to save their own ass. If they had been responsible, and accepted the punishment for what they had done, they never would have had to go through all that. We don't chose to go through this whole process we have to, we just get to a point where we have 2 choices a. change things or b. end things. Those of us that are still here obviously chose a, even though some of us went for b and failed, thank God.
My Dad's b-day was Saturday, the big 60. Lately though he hasn't been acting his age. He just bought a nice new Corvette, it is so sweet. He also finally dumped his girlfriend of 17 years and started dating a new gal. The new gal is so much nicer than the old one. This gal is alive like my dad, she is sooooo sweet to us and the kids, and is great for my dad. We found out Saturday that when they go to Aruba next month for vacation they are going to get married. I'm so happy for dad, I hope this one lasts. The only bad part is that we don't get to be there. My neurotic brain is making me think it is because my dad doesn't want to have to explain me to relatives at a wedding, but my heart slapped my neurosis upside it's head and made me snap out of it. I guess when you've been through 2 marriages already the 3rd time is not a big deal. I say third times a charm, and I hope I'm right, they seem great for each other.
The bad part about Saturday was seeing my sister. We are so different it isn't funny, I'm blue collar, down to earth, she's a snotty bitch. She still will use my old name both in front of me and behind my back. She obviously isn't very supportive. We were talking about an old neighbor of ours whose sister lived in a nice trailer park. I stated I liked the area, and would love to live there, but they are a 55+ retirement community. She responded "eww a trailer park, how could you tell people you lived in a trailer park, what would they think?!" That there is her problem, she is too concerned what other people think. Some people, like her inlaws don't agree with my life(damn Methodist bastards) so she disagrees too. On a bright note I got to see my little brother, even though we had a little fight back in July that is still being worked out. We both didn't mention it in order to give dad a good day, which was a good thing indeed.
Other than that I've been working hard during the day, working on my book and my blankets at night. I'm trying to keep my hands from being too idle indeed, but soon I will need to start looking for a night job to help things get back on track transition wise. I just need to reset my sleep patterns to human, from the sick half nocturnal one I was forced to have from the last job.
Love to all and g'nite.
Work is ok. My boss has been on vacation seeing her brand new grandson, so it has been quiet. Everybody is on pins and needles for her return since her assistant annouced she is leaving at the end of this week. I can't blame her for leaving she is going to make much more $ than she can make at the paper. Everyone is worried that the boss is going to take out her stress on everyone since she will be doing extra work. I worried at first, but I can't really control how she acts, I can control how I react to it. It's taken me over 35 years to learn, but people really shouldn't worry about shit they can't control, it's wasted energy. My boss is a good person inside, she sometimes lets the stress make her seem not so nice. I can't blame her, she has a stressful job as it is, nevermind adding extra work to it. I'm sure we'll all be fine, we did it before and are still alive, we will all get through it this time too.
Speaking of work, I had an odd situation happen today. I was talking with a co-worker about birthdays. Her birthday is coming up, and told her mine as we were born the same year. I said "mine's easy, I'm the first born and my b-day is 1/11." She replied" oh so you were the first twin born? How much older are you?" I said I didn't remember nor did I want to talk about it. I had forgotten part of my cover story with her was I had a twin brother Scott, and Co was married to him, which is why I was always talking to co and doing stuff with her.
I hate the fact that I did that. But I can't turn back the clock and change things now. I was early into my transition when I told her this, I was "young" and didn't know any better. I don't bother making up elaborate stories much anymore, it makes me feel dirty and cheap when I lie like that. I have enough self esteem issues as it is not to have to add more logs to the fire.
It's funny that just last week I saw a show on one of the Discovery channels about people in the witness relocation program. They were interviewing folks that had been in the program, and the hardships they went through in the process. They had to get new names, gave up their friends and family, had no work history, and had to come up with phony histories to fit in. Hmmm sounds awful familiar. Almost every damn Tranny goes through the same shit, minus the government assistance. We lose so much for something that is not our fault. I don't feel sorry for most of the people they talked to. All but one were crooks that were caught and decided to snitch on their cohorts to save their own ass. If they had been responsible, and accepted the punishment for what they had done, they never would have had to go through all that. We don't chose to go through this whole process we have to, we just get to a point where we have 2 choices a. change things or b. end things. Those of us that are still here obviously chose a, even though some of us went for b and failed, thank God.
My Dad's b-day was Saturday, the big 60. Lately though he hasn't been acting his age. He just bought a nice new Corvette, it is so sweet. He also finally dumped his girlfriend of 17 years and started dating a new gal. The new gal is so much nicer than the old one. This gal is alive like my dad, she is sooooo sweet to us and the kids, and is great for my dad. We found out Saturday that when they go to Aruba next month for vacation they are going to get married. I'm so happy for dad, I hope this one lasts. The only bad part is that we don't get to be there. My neurotic brain is making me think it is because my dad doesn't want to have to explain me to relatives at a wedding, but my heart slapped my neurosis upside it's head and made me snap out of it. I guess when you've been through 2 marriages already the 3rd time is not a big deal. I say third times a charm, and I hope I'm right, they seem great for each other.
The bad part about Saturday was seeing my sister. We are so different it isn't funny, I'm blue collar, down to earth, she's a snotty bitch. She still will use my old name both in front of me and behind my back. She obviously isn't very supportive. We were talking about an old neighbor of ours whose sister lived in a nice trailer park. I stated I liked the area, and would love to live there, but they are a 55+ retirement community. She responded "eww a trailer park, how could you tell people you lived in a trailer park, what would they think?!" That there is her problem, she is too concerned what other people think. Some people, like her inlaws don't agree with my life(damn Methodist bastards) so she disagrees too. On a bright note I got to see my little brother, even though we had a little fight back in July that is still being worked out. We both didn't mention it in order to give dad a good day, which was a good thing indeed.
Other than that I've been working hard during the day, working on my book and my blankets at night. I'm trying to keep my hands from being too idle indeed, but soon I will need to start looking for a night job to help things get back on track transition wise. I just need to reset my sleep patterns to human, from the sick half nocturnal one I was forced to have from the last job.
Love to all and g'nite.
Monday, August 22, 2005
I'm not as good as I thought...
Ok today was the first day of the rest of my life, or some bullshit like that. I was happy to be in a safe somewhat sane environment, but of course everything is relative. I was welcomed back by most folks, there were a few who weren't happy to see me, but hey f them. Either I'll grow on them, or I'll just work around them, I've got bigger issues to worry about other than if some schmuck likes me or not.
I was totally blown away though when one of my co-workers that I was close to, but never came out to today asked me something. She first asked "how are the kids?" I told her they were great, and that my daughter would be starting the 2nd grade next week. Then she asks "how's Nicole?" I looked at her puzzled as all hell. With her I always talked about Nicole as "my ex Nick" in order to not have to make up elaborate lies. I asked "who?" She asked again, I still looked puzzled and repeated my question. She goes "Nikki, your ex Nick." I was flabbergasted, and said "yeah my ex is Nick, not Nicole" and walked away. I didn't know what to do, I had been caught. I went and did something for a few moments to clear my head and went back. I asked her how long she had known? She said she "had known for quite awhile, but forgot about the whole thing as she got to know me." She said she didn't care.
It is so nice to just be accepted for what I am. It makes the whole surgery seem somewhat insignificant. I am accepted as a woman by so many people and it is great. That to me is the important part of this, not what parts I have or don't have, but that people accept me for what and who I appear to be. I feared how people would react for so long, it is nice to have my fears proven wrong.
I still plan on not telling the world, thats not me & I think its why people except me. I'm not trying to stand out, I'm trying to blend in and play nice. By not being in peoples faces it makes it easier for them to accept me. I look like a duck, and quack like a duck so they treat me as such. It is nice though that her I and I can now talk for real and I don't have to make up stories anymore. I'm not going to go into full details with her, but at least I know for now I have sort of an ally.
Let's see how long it lasts, and how many other people know too. I'm sure if they do, they won't treat me with as much respect and kindness as she has.
Love to all, and g'nite.
I was totally blown away though when one of my co-workers that I was close to, but never came out to today asked me something. She first asked "how are the kids?" I told her they were great, and that my daughter would be starting the 2nd grade next week. Then she asks "how's Nicole?" I looked at her puzzled as all hell. With her I always talked about Nicole as "my ex Nick" in order to not have to make up elaborate lies. I asked "who?" She asked again, I still looked puzzled and repeated my question. She goes "Nikki, your ex Nick." I was flabbergasted, and said "yeah my ex is Nick, not Nicole" and walked away. I didn't know what to do, I had been caught. I went and did something for a few moments to clear my head and went back. I asked her how long she had known? She said she "had known for quite awhile, but forgot about the whole thing as she got to know me." She said she didn't care.
It is so nice to just be accepted for what I am. It makes the whole surgery seem somewhat insignificant. I am accepted as a woman by so many people and it is great. That to me is the important part of this, not what parts I have or don't have, but that people accept me for what and who I appear to be. I feared how people would react for so long, it is nice to have my fears proven wrong.
I still plan on not telling the world, thats not me & I think its why people except me. I'm not trying to stand out, I'm trying to blend in and play nice. By not being in peoples faces it makes it easier for them to accept me. I look like a duck, and quack like a duck so they treat me as such. It is nice though that her I and I can now talk for real and I don't have to make up stories anymore. I'm not going to go into full details with her, but at least I know for now I have sort of an ally.
Let's see how long it lasts, and how many other people know too. I'm sure if they do, they won't treat me with as much respect and kindness as she has.
Love to all, and g'nite.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Pooking pa nub...
Ok the only people who get that title watched SNL when Eddie Murphy was a big player there. For those who didn't watch, you won't get it right away.
As I have stated before my current workplace is an interesting place indeed. We are a temp agency, and most of the workers we put out are poc, ex-cons, homeless, or all of the above. When I first started they used to hit on me constantly, until I started telling them off. Eventually I explained enough times that I can't date temps according to company policy so that it stopped for the most part. I should say the hitting on stopped, the staring at my ass didn't.
Well word that I am leaving has finally gotten around, and today I had my first asking for my phone # in a long time. He is an older very tall man,with really big feet, ouch looks to be in his late 40's, and seems pleasant enough. He came up to me, and says he wants to see me again, and admitted he has a crush on me and wants to get to know me better. I am at a loss. There is no way in hell that I'm going to give my phone number to him, it just isn't going to happen. I do think it is sweet that he wants to get to know me better, but am wondering why when he hardly knows me.
I am not looking for love at this time, I'm too afraid that I'm going to hook up with someone who is going to flip out when they figure out my past. I really don't want to hurt anyone, nor do I want to end up on the remembering our dead website. I could however use some friends out of my community. My goals in my transition is not to live my life as a tranny, but to live my life as a woman. Yeah I know, I'm not even totally sure what I mean by that myself. I guess what I am trying to say is I need to do some things that don't revolve around the community, mainstream things that I would be doing anyway if I had just been born a female in the first place. I know it sounds kinda snooty, and holier than though, but I don't mean to be that way. I am not turning my back on my community, it will forever be a part of my life, and is who I am. I just need to live a balanced life with both trans and mainstream. Why am I apologizing for how I live my life? It's mine, I've got no reason to apologize to anyone for that, as long as I don't harm anyone.
Anyway, now that I'm done talking to myself. I am thinking that I may just give this guy my work address, and ask him to write me there to start with. I want to get to know him better before we go to the phone. If he is honest and sincere, he'll do it. The thing is I don't know if he is a murder, rapist, psycho, or a gentleman, and obviously he doesn't know if I am or was either. I am going to do a little research on him before I do this. If he's on the sex offender registry forget it, and I will tell him that. If not, and I can find out some more info I just may. I just don't want to dismiss something right off the bat that may be something I want down the road. You never know when you might need a big male friend to stick up for you one day if nothing else.
Love to all, and g'nite.
As I have stated before my current workplace is an interesting place indeed. We are a temp agency, and most of the workers we put out are poc, ex-cons, homeless, or all of the above. When I first started they used to hit on me constantly, until I started telling them off. Eventually I explained enough times that I can't date temps according to company policy so that it stopped for the most part. I should say the hitting on stopped, the staring at my ass didn't.
Well word that I am leaving has finally gotten around, and today I had my first asking for my phone # in a long time. He is an older very tall man,with really big feet, ouch looks to be in his late 40's, and seems pleasant enough. He came up to me, and says he wants to see me again, and admitted he has a crush on me and wants to get to know me better. I am at a loss. There is no way in hell that I'm going to give my phone number to him, it just isn't going to happen. I do think it is sweet that he wants to get to know me better, but am wondering why when he hardly knows me.
I am not looking for love at this time, I'm too afraid that I'm going to hook up with someone who is going to flip out when they figure out my past. I really don't want to hurt anyone, nor do I want to end up on the remembering our dead website. I could however use some friends out of my community. My goals in my transition is not to live my life as a tranny, but to live my life as a woman. Yeah I know, I'm not even totally sure what I mean by that myself. I guess what I am trying to say is I need to do some things that don't revolve around the community, mainstream things that I would be doing anyway if I had just been born a female in the first place. I know it sounds kinda snooty, and holier than though, but I don't mean to be that way. I am not turning my back on my community, it will forever be a part of my life, and is who I am. I just need to live a balanced life with both trans and mainstream. Why am I apologizing for how I live my life? It's mine, I've got no reason to apologize to anyone for that, as long as I don't harm anyone.
Anyway, now that I'm done talking to myself. I am thinking that I may just give this guy my work address, and ask him to write me there to start with. I want to get to know him better before we go to the phone. If he is honest and sincere, he'll do it. The thing is I don't know if he is a murder, rapist, psycho, or a gentleman, and obviously he doesn't know if I am or was either. I am going to do a little research on him before I do this. If he's on the sex offender registry forget it, and I will tell him that. If not, and I can find out some more info I just may. I just don't want to dismiss something right off the bat that may be something I want down the road. You never know when you might need a big male friend to stick up for you one day if nothing else.
Love to all, and g'nite.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful... .
Actually it's a good a reason as any.
Wow did I say that? I'm sorry but I need to add some vanity to my comedy since lately I feel like shit about work. Like I said earlier my leaving my present company has not gone as smoothly as possible. Today I found there were allot more bumps in the road. Turns out the gal I was working with while working on that special project is trying her best to make my leaving not a pleasurable experience. She has been bad mouthing me, and inventing things that I have said about everyone and anyone. The problem is some of these people actually believe her, and I am left to having to apologize for things that never entered my mind, nevermind crossed my chapped lips.
I'm pretty sure she is mad at me because while I was there I found so many problems and abuses of every policy in our book. I corrected what I could, and reported what I could not. I also took the time to explain to her in what I thought was a kind and respectful way why it was wrong to do things that way. She must have not taken it that way. She seems to have taken it personally and is single handedly trying to tear me down.
But you see there is a problem in that. After all I have gone through, and all I continue to go through I can eat trouble makers like her for breakfast. Little back-stabbing minor league psycho gal shit is nothing compared to getting rid of a "chaser", or dealing with a friend from a board who committed suicide, or getting calls from someone you care for telling you they are about to end their life, and try to talk them out it, death threats, being called evil or pervert,having to worry when you use the restroom, or are on a bus or train, or anywhere that someone may figure me out and have an issue with it. Or best of all your own suicide attempt, and trying to put your life together afterwards. These are much bigger issues than some two bit, crack whore, wanna be mental patient can throw my way.
So I carefully crafted a polite email directed at the people I've not only supposedly badmouthed, but they happen to be up the chain of command in the complaint department. I explained that I was hurt by this vicious attack on my good name and my hard work, and why I am really leaving. I haven't talked about it here or there, but I am leaving my current job because I am physically and mentally burned out at this point and time. A good amount of the things burning me out happen to be from my personal life and I did not go into it with them, nor will I here. The 3 involved parties all know my situation, and all I'm going through, so that's all that was needed. This journey is a rough road, and some parts are rougher than most. At this time I need to walk away from a job I do enjoy, but can't devote as much time as is necessary to do it the right way.
I was so pleased to get a response so quickly. The most high up boss called me within the hour, talked to me about things, and made sure I was alright. He also made the offer of a leave of absence instead of a quit, which I declined because I don't know how long this will take. He also told me that once I have "settled things" if there was an opening I was welcome back. It made everything so much better.
I don't know why I didn't just come out and say I was having personal problems from the beginning, it would have made some things so much easier. But you have to remember, I not only represent myself out there, I also have to make sure I don't do things that set my community in a bad light. I know I don't speak or act for the entire community, but if I am the only person that someone has dealt with like me, I might ruin things for the next person like me that comes along. I didn't want to give the impression that I was weak, that I had to be coddled, or given a break because of my "condition." I didn't want to give others the reputation of not being able to handle things because of what we go through. I know it sounds like added pressure, but it is how I feel, and so far it has worked well for me. By watching and weighing how I act and what I say I have saved my butt from some embarrassing situations. If I wasn't doing this I would have sent that "nuclear email" the other day and right now look like a nut job.
Now that I have confessed to them why I am truly leaving I have somehow added a good light I hadn't thought of before. They are ok with the fact I have problems, they are not holding it against me, it's okay for me to human, to be fallible. Part of me is glad I did wait. With all the politics going on right now if I had told them right off the bat, it might have ended differently for me. At least now they know that this gal is a whacko, and why I am leaving now. I hope someday to be back, once I work on me for awhile, and get my own house in order.
Love to all, walk lightly, watch out for whackos at play, and g'nite.
Wow did I say that? I'm sorry but I need to add some vanity to my comedy since lately I feel like shit about work. Like I said earlier my leaving my present company has not gone as smoothly as possible. Today I found there were allot more bumps in the road. Turns out the gal I was working with while working on that special project is trying her best to make my leaving not a pleasurable experience. She has been bad mouthing me, and inventing things that I have said about everyone and anyone. The problem is some of these people actually believe her, and I am left to having to apologize for things that never entered my mind, nevermind crossed my chapped lips.
I'm pretty sure she is mad at me because while I was there I found so many problems and abuses of every policy in our book. I corrected what I could, and reported what I could not. I also took the time to explain to her in what I thought was a kind and respectful way why it was wrong to do things that way. She must have not taken it that way. She seems to have taken it personally and is single handedly trying to tear me down.
But you see there is a problem in that. After all I have gone through, and all I continue to go through I can eat trouble makers like her for breakfast. Little back-stabbing minor league psycho gal shit is nothing compared to getting rid of a "chaser", or dealing with a friend from a board who committed suicide, or getting calls from someone you care for telling you they are about to end their life, and try to talk them out it, death threats, being called evil or pervert,having to worry when you use the restroom, or are on a bus or train, or anywhere that someone may figure me out and have an issue with it. Or best of all your own suicide attempt, and trying to put your life together afterwards. These are much bigger issues than some two bit, crack whore, wanna be mental patient can throw my way.
So I carefully crafted a polite email directed at the people I've not only supposedly badmouthed, but they happen to be up the chain of command in the complaint department. I explained that I was hurt by this vicious attack on my good name and my hard work, and why I am really leaving. I haven't talked about it here or there, but I am leaving my current job because I am physically and mentally burned out at this point and time. A good amount of the things burning me out happen to be from my personal life and I did not go into it with them, nor will I here. The 3 involved parties all know my situation, and all I'm going through, so that's all that was needed. This journey is a rough road, and some parts are rougher than most. At this time I need to walk away from a job I do enjoy, but can't devote as much time as is necessary to do it the right way.
I was so pleased to get a response so quickly. The most high up boss called me within the hour, talked to me about things, and made sure I was alright. He also made the offer of a leave of absence instead of a quit, which I declined because I don't know how long this will take. He also told me that once I have "settled things" if there was an opening I was welcome back. It made everything so much better.
I don't know why I didn't just come out and say I was having personal problems from the beginning, it would have made some things so much easier. But you have to remember, I not only represent myself out there, I also have to make sure I don't do things that set my community in a bad light. I know I don't speak or act for the entire community, but if I am the only person that someone has dealt with like me, I might ruin things for the next person like me that comes along. I didn't want to give the impression that I was weak, that I had to be coddled, or given a break because of my "condition." I didn't want to give others the reputation of not being able to handle things because of what we go through. I know it sounds like added pressure, but it is how I feel, and so far it has worked well for me. By watching and weighing how I act and what I say I have saved my butt from some embarrassing situations. If I wasn't doing this I would have sent that "nuclear email" the other day and right now look like a nut job.
Now that I have confessed to them why I am truly leaving I have somehow added a good light I hadn't thought of before. They are ok with the fact I have problems, they are not holding it against me, it's okay for me to human, to be fallible. Part of me is glad I did wait. With all the politics going on right now if I had told them right off the bat, it might have ended differently for me. At least now they know that this gal is a whacko, and why I am leaving now. I hope someday to be back, once I work on me for awhile, and get my own house in order.
Love to all, walk lightly, watch out for whackos at play, and g'nite.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
The subtle joy of a quiet week end...
Ah the peace of a "quiet weekend" with the kids was well needed this weekend indeed. Most weekends we run from place to place always trying to do stuff to keep them entertained. This weekend we stayed home, and I cooked.
It was nice to just stay home and relax for a change. We hung out in the pool for a bit on Saturday, and watched a bunch of DVD's. Well actually my son watched the same one 4 times, but my daughter watched some different stuff.
Like I said I did get a chance to cook too. Friday night I made some sheppard pie for Co and I. It usually is a winter dish, but it was a good change. I made it a bit spicy for Co's taste buds, but perfect for me. There's something about spicy food on a hot day that I love indeed. Saturday I made some pizza, and today I made some homemade fried chicken. It's a wonder I'm 250lbs by now. I don't always eat the healthiest foods, but I do try, this weekend though was comfort food weekend. Of course as always it did lend to some interesting conversations in my household. Mom suggested to me that I bread the chicken in corn meal since it is healthier than white flour. I told her I really didn't think it would matter since I was frying the chicken in Crisco, but said we would try that the next time. I did make one faux pas this weekend, trying to make ranch flavored popcorn. Oh well, live and learn. Everything else turned out good, and I got to spend some time doing what I love, so it was all good. I'm not sure where my love of cooking comes from, but I do enjoy it. I love to come up with a dish people like, and get depressed when it doesn't turn out that way. Maybe it's the fact I'm neurotic, but that's the case with most of my life, I always seem to be looking for approval in some way or another. At least with cooking I do get some joy just by being able to create and use my brain to come up with new dishes.
Unfortunately I didn't get to go to Twenty this weekend. I was thinking about it, and was back and forth about it, but when push came to shove I was enjoying spending time with the kids too much this weekend. Next weekend I'll try to take them again to the beach, and the weekend after is my dad's b-day, so it was our last quiet weekend for a bit.
I also added a comment option so folks can comment without having to have a blog membership. Let me know your thoughts, but be aware, I get a little testy at times, and do comment back. It is my blog after all.
Love to all, if you find a recipe for ranch popcorn let me know, and g'nite.
It was nice to just stay home and relax for a change. We hung out in the pool for a bit on Saturday, and watched a bunch of DVD's. Well actually my son watched the same one 4 times, but my daughter watched some different stuff.
Like I said I did get a chance to cook too. Friday night I made some sheppard pie for Co and I. It usually is a winter dish, but it was a good change. I made it a bit spicy for Co's taste buds, but perfect for me. There's something about spicy food on a hot day that I love indeed. Saturday I made some pizza, and today I made some homemade fried chicken. It's a wonder I'm 250lbs by now. I don't always eat the healthiest foods, but I do try, this weekend though was comfort food weekend. Of course as always it did lend to some interesting conversations in my household. Mom suggested to me that I bread the chicken in corn meal since it is healthier than white flour. I told her I really didn't think it would matter since I was frying the chicken in Crisco, but said we would try that the next time. I did make one faux pas this weekend, trying to make ranch flavored popcorn. Oh well, live and learn. Everything else turned out good, and I got to spend some time doing what I love, so it was all good. I'm not sure where my love of cooking comes from, but I do enjoy it. I love to come up with a dish people like, and get depressed when it doesn't turn out that way. Maybe it's the fact I'm neurotic, but that's the case with most of my life, I always seem to be looking for approval in some way or another. At least with cooking I do get some joy just by being able to create and use my brain to come up with new dishes.
Unfortunately I didn't get to go to Twenty this weekend. I was thinking about it, and was back and forth about it, but when push came to shove I was enjoying spending time with the kids too much this weekend. Next weekend I'll try to take them again to the beach, and the weekend after is my dad's b-day, so it was our last quiet weekend for a bit.
I also added a comment option so folks can comment without having to have a blog membership. Let me know your thoughts, but be aware, I get a little testy at times, and do comment back. It is my blog after all.
Love to all, if you find a recipe for ranch popcorn let me know, and g'nite.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Enjoying wieners in the park...
Ok maybe I do have a perverted/sick sense of humor lately, or maybe the mailman's right and I need to get some. Today I went down to NYC for my audition/test for the daytime version of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. It was a great day, took the train down,talked to this handsome fellow, who was easy on the eyes, and at least 6'4" tall. The few men I do find myself attractive to are the tall athletic type and he fit the bill. He is in sales, and so am I so we talked shop. It helped pass the time for the ride in at least.
So once I hit grand central, I took the shuttle over to times square. I didn't really go out of the station, instead walking around and soaking up the sounds of the subway musicians. This is where the real heart of music lives, not on some store shelf in a pretty package some marketing guy thought looked nice. No it lives in the music of these folks who play down below ground. I heard so many styles and so many different instruments down there it was incredible. I think it would be great to one day set up a sort of subway orchestra and put all the different sounds together. My favorite had to be the guy playing a saw. It was incredible what sounds he made come out of that thing, if I had the $ I would have bought a cd from him. Anyway I took the subway over to Lincoln center and then walked to the meeting place.
I got there a bit early, and it was less than a block from Central Park, so I decided to go for a stroll. It was nice, and nothing like I had pictured at all. I went over bought a street dog, sat in the park, hence the title. Worked on a blanket I'm knitting and went to the audition. There were close to 100 people there to take the test, and it was harder than I had imagined. Only 8 people passed and moved onto the interview. Unfortunately I wasn't one of them. I am disappointed, but not discouraged. I will try again. I just wanted to break the trend and be a tranny that goes on TV not to say hey world look at me, but to just try and be normal. Maybe someday I'll reach that goal, I think more of us should try to fit in, instead of standing out. For now I'm going to keep on working towards my goals, and pray to win the powerball. Even though I failed at this, I can always say I tried. I don't know too many people from around here that have tried out for a game show, at least I have that. Of course that and $2.50 will get you a small coffee at Starbucks, but hey I'm easy to please.
The fun part was on the way back. The line for the ladies room was so damn long. I know, it's what women face everyday, but it was my first long line. I guess I can get a merit badge or something now. The thing that really bothered me was using a public restroom in NY. If I remember right 8 million folks live there, and I'd venture at least the same come to visit. If you go with the average of slightly more women then men in the world, any toliets could have had anywhere around 8 million different people use them. Now add in these odd diseases that go around, which the odds are one in a million of catching. Well with those numbers I could have 8 different kind of cootties swiming around my ass right now. I'm only half kidding, the other half of me wants to go scrub my bottom and burn my panties. I was in a hurry so I couldn't hover, not to mention the bathroom didn't have hand rails in there. Man sometimes I wonder why I couldn't beat this, and be happy being a dude who could pee standing up.
Love to all, pratice your hover, and g'nite.
So once I hit grand central, I took the shuttle over to times square. I didn't really go out of the station, instead walking around and soaking up the sounds of the subway musicians. This is where the real heart of music lives, not on some store shelf in a pretty package some marketing guy thought looked nice. No it lives in the music of these folks who play down below ground. I heard so many styles and so many different instruments down there it was incredible. I think it would be great to one day set up a sort of subway orchestra and put all the different sounds together. My favorite had to be the guy playing a saw. It was incredible what sounds he made come out of that thing, if I had the $ I would have bought a cd from him. Anyway I took the subway over to Lincoln center and then walked to the meeting place.
I got there a bit early, and it was less than a block from Central Park, so I decided to go for a stroll. It was nice, and nothing like I had pictured at all. I went over bought a street dog, sat in the park, hence the title. Worked on a blanket I'm knitting and went to the audition. There were close to 100 people there to take the test, and it was harder than I had imagined. Only 8 people passed and moved onto the interview. Unfortunately I wasn't one of them. I am disappointed, but not discouraged. I will try again. I just wanted to break the trend and be a tranny that goes on TV not to say hey world look at me, but to just try and be normal. Maybe someday I'll reach that goal, I think more of us should try to fit in, instead of standing out. For now I'm going to keep on working towards my goals, and pray to win the powerball. Even though I failed at this, I can always say I tried. I don't know too many people from around here that have tried out for a game show, at least I have that. Of course that and $2.50 will get you a small coffee at Starbucks, but hey I'm easy to please.
The fun part was on the way back. The line for the ladies room was so damn long. I know, it's what women face everyday, but it was my first long line. I guess I can get a merit badge or something now. The thing that really bothered me was using a public restroom in NY. If I remember right 8 million folks live there, and I'd venture at least the same come to visit. If you go with the average of slightly more women then men in the world, any toliets could have had anywhere around 8 million different people use them. Now add in these odd diseases that go around, which the odds are one in a million of catching. Well with those numbers I could have 8 different kind of cootties swiming around my ass right now. I'm only half kidding, the other half of me wants to go scrub my bottom and burn my panties. I was in a hurry so I couldn't hover, not to mention the bathroom didn't have hand rails in there. Man sometimes I wonder why I couldn't beat this, and be happy being a dude who could pee standing up.
Love to all, pratice your hover, and g'nite.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Um now wait a minute there Mr. Postman...
Now Mr. Postman I can see,
You got a real interest in me.
But there's something you must know,
I've got a package down below.
So you better wait a minute..
Oh please Mr. Postman....
Ok so it's not the classic lyrics but man do they fit. In the office I am filling in at we have the most flirtatious mailman I've ever met. The whole time I was there in July he would come in and tell me how he loved my smile, and how beautiful I was. While I don't mind the compliments, I'm wondering how good our postal workers vision plan is. I don't get why this guy is so flirtatious with me, when I don't feel I look good lately. Maybe he does read me and he's into that, but I don't know, from his comments I highly doubt that. Some of the lines he's used on me are:"I used to be a photographer, and I know natural beauty, and honey you are a natural beauty"& "Ashley I said a prayer of thanks last night to God thanking him for making you, cause only he could have made a woman so beautiful as you"(I guess I should pass those 2 to Dr.P, he'll appreciate his work being noticed). Yesterday while talking to my dad on the phone mind you I asked him how he was to which I got "I'm still dark and delicious, and you're still light and sweet." I smiled and blushed and told him kiddingly he should behave because I was on the phone with my dad, and got" well you tell him I said he made a gal who was light and sweet." I don't know if my dad or I laughed harder at that one, it was a new and funny experience for the both of us. Today my lack of sleep last night showed on my face and when he came in he commented on how I looked tired. I told him I didn't sleep well from the stress of the day. He replies "I need to give you my number, I'd come over, give you a back massage, and then make sweet love to you. If you got some loving you'd sleep fine." I was beside myself, still am.
I've never know anyone to be so forward outside of a bar, and even in a bar I haven't gotten a line like that. I'm both flattered, and amazed by his forwardness in his comments. It makes me laugh everyday and provides me a nice little lift in the middle of my day. Somehow it makes getting up so early not so bad at all. I'm tempted to give him one of my email addy's before I leave, he is a handsome black man, maybe late 30's early 40's, and in great shape. The problem is I'm not ready for a relationship right now involving "sweet love making", a back massage maybe, but not interested in "getting some dick" right now, in fact I'm trying to get rid of some as we speak. Sorry I couldn't resist that one, it's been a long day.
On the other part of the work front, I'm leaning away from nuclear, and hitting hard with kindness. I'm thinking I'm going to send a thank you/goodbye letter thanking heavily those who are currently being attacked, thus taking the wind from the attackers sails, and still making them look bad when their story doesn't add up. I really don't see how much a venomous letter will help my cause more than this avenue. I also have learned that when it comes to the battles of words and personal interaction the antidote for hatred is kindness, not more hatred. So far doing this has served me well in life, I think I need to go with what works, and keep the nukes for a latter date.
Tommorow I have my audition so I get to sleep late, I'll make sure I let you know how I do either way.
Love to all, remember to tip your mailman, and g'night.
You got a real interest in me.
But there's something you must know,
I've got a package down below.
So you better wait a minute..
Oh please Mr. Postman....
Ok so it's not the classic lyrics but man do they fit. In the office I am filling in at we have the most flirtatious mailman I've ever met. The whole time I was there in July he would come in and tell me how he loved my smile, and how beautiful I was. While I don't mind the compliments, I'm wondering how good our postal workers vision plan is. I don't get why this guy is so flirtatious with me, when I don't feel I look good lately. Maybe he does read me and he's into that, but I don't know, from his comments I highly doubt that. Some of the lines he's used on me are:"I used to be a photographer, and I know natural beauty, and honey you are a natural beauty"& "Ashley I said a prayer of thanks last night to God thanking him for making you, cause only he could have made a woman so beautiful as you"(I guess I should pass those 2 to Dr.P, he'll appreciate his work being noticed). Yesterday while talking to my dad on the phone mind you I asked him how he was to which I got "I'm still dark and delicious, and you're still light and sweet." I smiled and blushed and told him kiddingly he should behave because I was on the phone with my dad, and got" well you tell him I said he made a gal who was light and sweet." I don't know if my dad or I laughed harder at that one, it was a new and funny experience for the both of us. Today my lack of sleep last night showed on my face and when he came in he commented on how I looked tired. I told him I didn't sleep well from the stress of the day. He replies "I need to give you my number, I'd come over, give you a back massage, and then make sweet love to you. If you got some loving you'd sleep fine." I was beside myself, still am.
I've never know anyone to be so forward outside of a bar, and even in a bar I haven't gotten a line like that. I'm both flattered, and amazed by his forwardness in his comments. It makes me laugh everyday and provides me a nice little lift in the middle of my day. Somehow it makes getting up so early not so bad at all. I'm tempted to give him one of my email addy's before I leave, he is a handsome black man, maybe late 30's early 40's, and in great shape. The problem is I'm not ready for a relationship right now involving "sweet love making", a back massage maybe, but not interested in "getting some dick" right now, in fact I'm trying to get rid of some as we speak. Sorry I couldn't resist that one, it's been a long day.
On the other part of the work front, I'm leaning away from nuclear, and hitting hard with kindness. I'm thinking I'm going to send a thank you/goodbye letter thanking heavily those who are currently being attacked, thus taking the wind from the attackers sails, and still making them look bad when their story doesn't add up. I really don't see how much a venomous letter will help my cause more than this avenue. I also have learned that when it comes to the battles of words and personal interaction the antidote for hatred is kindness, not more hatred. So far doing this has served me well in life, I think I need to go with what works, and keep the nukes for a latter date.
Tommorow I have my audition so I get to sleep late, I'll make sure I let you know how I do either way.
Love to all, remember to tip your mailman, and g'night.
Monday, August 08, 2005
Leave the world a crispier place...
Ok I've always tried to live by the adage to leave the world a better place than when you found it. I've also always tried to burn no bridges. Both those are being thrown out the door in me leaving my current job but not by my choice. And I'm not happy at all about it.
From the begging of my current job 2 of my three bosses have been fighting. Common barnyard rooster chest-thumping, with me stuck in the middle. I have been told by both of them not to listen to the other in order to go far. One has been more involved in this than the other. This one decided to use my leaving as ammo to go after the other one. I don't care if they want to stand in the barnyard and beat the crap out of each other all day, I just don't need to be in the middle. Well turns out the more aggressive rooster is claiming I am leaving because of the other boss, and that other boss called me upset today. He was upset that I said these things about him, and never came to him. The truth is I never said anything to anyone on specifically why I was leaving. But I took it a step further. Mr. Aggressive boss asked my boss to have me send any emails that might show the other boss being a jerk. So I told the other guy to watch his back.
I know I just started WWIII, but I really don't care at this point. I hate the fact that this jerk used me to get at the other one. I am on the edge of going "nuclear" with the whole thing, by writing an email to the big boss stating that a big reason for my leaving is that I'm sick of bullshit I've had to endure with the cock fighting.
I think it's too late to try and save bridges when the whole interstate has been ripped apart. I am going to think it over this week, and if I decide to send it I'll do it next week sometimes. I know it's going to raise some massive fighting once I've gone, but I really don't want to go back to this hell hole anyway. I have never dealt with such a bunch of immature infighting my whole professional life.
I'm going to still finish my time with them, and continue to do my job, but I am pissed. This week I am back covering down in Fairfield county, so I'm up at 3am again, man I need my head examined.
I'm hoping not to have too much trouble as I finish out my time there. I'm not looking forward to having to go nuclear, but I really don't see any other way to teach someone a lesson without doing anything but. It seems childish, but sometimes it is proper to fight fire with fire.
In the words of Mr. Reagan. "Inform the Russians, we start the bombing in 10 minutes." Ok so I may not have it right, but you get the idea.
Love to all, nuke 'em hard, and g'nite.
From the begging of my current job 2 of my three bosses have been fighting. Common barnyard rooster chest-thumping, with me stuck in the middle. I have been told by both of them not to listen to the other in order to go far. One has been more involved in this than the other. This one decided to use my leaving as ammo to go after the other one. I don't care if they want to stand in the barnyard and beat the crap out of each other all day, I just don't need to be in the middle. Well turns out the more aggressive rooster is claiming I am leaving because of the other boss, and that other boss called me upset today. He was upset that I said these things about him, and never came to him. The truth is I never said anything to anyone on specifically why I was leaving. But I took it a step further. Mr. Aggressive boss asked my boss to have me send any emails that might show the other boss being a jerk. So I told the other guy to watch his back.
I know I just started WWIII, but I really don't care at this point. I hate the fact that this jerk used me to get at the other one. I am on the edge of going "nuclear" with the whole thing, by writing an email to the big boss stating that a big reason for my leaving is that I'm sick of bullshit I've had to endure with the cock fighting.
I think it's too late to try and save bridges when the whole interstate has been ripped apart. I am going to think it over this week, and if I decide to send it I'll do it next week sometimes. I know it's going to raise some massive fighting once I've gone, but I really don't want to go back to this hell hole anyway. I have never dealt with such a bunch of immature infighting my whole professional life.
I'm going to still finish my time with them, and continue to do my job, but I am pissed. This week I am back covering down in Fairfield county, so I'm up at 3am again, man I need my head examined.
I'm hoping not to have too much trouble as I finish out my time there. I'm not looking forward to having to go nuclear, but I really don't see any other way to teach someone a lesson without doing anything but. It seems childish, but sometimes it is proper to fight fire with fire.
In the words of Mr. Reagan. "Inform the Russians, we start the bombing in 10 minutes." Ok so I may not have it right, but you get the idea.
Love to all, nuke 'em hard, and g'nite.
Sunday, August 07, 2005
On a Sunday morning sidewalk...
On a Sunday morning sidewalk,
I'm wishing Lord that I was stoned.
'Cause there's something in a Sunday,
That makes the body feel alone.
And there's nothing short of dieing,
That's half as lonesome as the sound,
As a sleeping city sidewalk,
And Sunday morning coming round...
Johnny Cash
I hate Sunday's really I do, and if I were the type to go get stoned that would be my day. It's not due to the fact I have to go back to work tomorrow, or any flashbacks to my Catholic upbringing (stand, sit, kneel, feel guilt). Anyone who is also a recovering Catholic gets that little dig. My problem with Sunday stems from the fact my kids go home on Sunday, it is by far the hardest day of the week.
I cannot describe how much it hurts when they go home, I have them for such a short time every week. I am blessed in the fact that I get to see my kids weekly, so many in my boat don't get to see their kids as much if at all. It still doesn't make it any easier. It's so hard watching them pull away with their mom heading home to their regular life, in their home, a life and home without me. It almost feels like I've gone from a parent to a crazy aunt they come see on the weekend.
This weekend I had an extra pain on my heart. My son was playing with his Mr. Potatoe Head set, which comes with several different sized potatoes, when he asked me "which one is the daddy?" I told him the daddy could be any of the ones he wanted to be the daddy. I then proceeded to ask him if he knew who his daddy is? "I don't have a daddy" he replied. "Yes you do" I replied, only to be countered by a very stern "NO I DON'T !"
This side of things is so hard. Not to many people in my community have little kids like I do, they tend to transition later in life when their kids are all grown up. My kids are little enough that it should be easier on them than it would be if they were teenagers but tough none the less. I am having little trouble with my daughter who will be 7 in October, she seems to get it, but my son is only 3. I have enough trouble trying to describe this to adults never mind someone that young. It rips my heart out to think of how he feels that he has no daddy. I love my kids with all my heart. They are my reason for still being here, for not throwing in the towel and just ending my life. But the guilt I feel sometimes for "taking away their daddy" is more than I can bear sometimes. Eventually Co and I will have to talk to him, but for now I guess he will just have to go on thinking the way he does. I hope it doesn't scar him for life.
On a brighter note I haven't talked about it here but I have an audition for a game show on Wednesday. I won't name the show or where I have to go, but if I pass the test I'll let you all know, and if I get on the show I'll let you know a day or two before it airs. I'm planning on being stealth on the show, so shhhs. Hopefully I can win enough cash and prizes to take care of some of the stuff in my life. I'll let you all know.
Love to all, and g'nite.
I'm wishing Lord that I was stoned.
'Cause there's something in a Sunday,
That makes the body feel alone.
And there's nothing short of dieing,
That's half as lonesome as the sound,
As a sleeping city sidewalk,
And Sunday morning coming round...
Johnny Cash
I hate Sunday's really I do, and if I were the type to go get stoned that would be my day. It's not due to the fact I have to go back to work tomorrow, or any flashbacks to my Catholic upbringing (stand, sit, kneel, feel guilt). Anyone who is also a recovering Catholic gets that little dig. My problem with Sunday stems from the fact my kids go home on Sunday, it is by far the hardest day of the week.
I cannot describe how much it hurts when they go home, I have them for such a short time every week. I am blessed in the fact that I get to see my kids weekly, so many in my boat don't get to see their kids as much if at all. It still doesn't make it any easier. It's so hard watching them pull away with their mom heading home to their regular life, in their home, a life and home without me. It almost feels like I've gone from a parent to a crazy aunt they come see on the weekend.
This weekend I had an extra pain on my heart. My son was playing with his Mr. Potatoe Head set, which comes with several different sized potatoes, when he asked me "which one is the daddy?" I told him the daddy could be any of the ones he wanted to be the daddy. I then proceeded to ask him if he knew who his daddy is? "I don't have a daddy" he replied. "Yes you do" I replied, only to be countered by a very stern "NO I DON'T !"
This side of things is so hard. Not to many people in my community have little kids like I do, they tend to transition later in life when their kids are all grown up. My kids are little enough that it should be easier on them than it would be if they were teenagers but tough none the less. I am having little trouble with my daughter who will be 7 in October, she seems to get it, but my son is only 3. I have enough trouble trying to describe this to adults never mind someone that young. It rips my heart out to think of how he feels that he has no daddy. I love my kids with all my heart. They are my reason for still being here, for not throwing in the towel and just ending my life. But the guilt I feel sometimes for "taking away their daddy" is more than I can bear sometimes. Eventually Co and I will have to talk to him, but for now I guess he will just have to go on thinking the way he does. I hope it doesn't scar him for life.
On a brighter note I haven't talked about it here but I have an audition for a game show on Wednesday. I won't name the show or where I have to go, but if I pass the test I'll let you all know, and if I get on the show I'll let you know a day or two before it airs. I'm planning on being stealth on the show, so shhhs. Hopefully I can win enough cash and prizes to take care of some of the stuff in my life. I'll let you all know.
Love to all, and g'nite.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Certified crazy person magnet...
As you may or may not know I am a magnet for crazy people. For the longest time crazy people just have a habit of coming up to and saying the oddest things. I don't know if they are drawn to the fellow crazy person I am, or if I come off as non threatening and approachable, or they do it to everyone.
Today I was accompanying a co worker for a stroll down to the bank at the green. I guess she wanted a body guard, and for some reason not allot of people bother me. I don't know if it's because I'm over 5'10" in heels, or that people aren't sure who/what I am so they stay away. Whatever it is for the most part nobody messes with me. So as I'm waiting for her to complete her transaction up comes this lady out of city hall, and she gets right up in my face and says "I love your hair, where did you go to get it done?" I told her my cousin does my hair. It is the second time I've had this happen. I don't get it, I wear a wig, and I don't think it is a very good one, but for some reason she thought it was beautiful. I can't wait to be able to get rid of it someday. My real hair is well past my shoulders and has real nice wave to it. My problem remains I am a little thin on top. I have had so much of it grow back right now that I go with just a bandanna and/or a hat on the weekends, I just need to have it fill in a little more. Someday soon I will be able to go "topless" and let my hair down all the time.
Also I have made a major career change this week. I decided to give notice at my current job and go back to the paper. I am just tired of get up so early, or working so hard, and getting so little out of it. My old boss, who will be my new boss, made it very easy for me, she kept calling me asking me to come back. She also had my ex coworkers calling also trying to talk me into coming back. While there are some issues in going back it is nice to be wanted. No one and my current job has tried to talk me into staying, to me that speaks volumes. I know I will miss some aspects of the current job, but sometimes things happen for a reason. Wish me luck, I'm going back to a straight commission job. I'm just a gluten for punishment sometimes.
G'night and love to all.
Today I was accompanying a co worker for a stroll down to the bank at the green. I guess she wanted a body guard, and for some reason not allot of people bother me. I don't know if it's because I'm over 5'10" in heels, or that people aren't sure who/what I am so they stay away. Whatever it is for the most part nobody messes with me. So as I'm waiting for her to complete her transaction up comes this lady out of city hall, and she gets right up in my face and says "I love your hair, where did you go to get it done?" I told her my cousin does my hair. It is the second time I've had this happen. I don't get it, I wear a wig, and I don't think it is a very good one, but for some reason she thought it was beautiful. I can't wait to be able to get rid of it someday. My real hair is well past my shoulders and has real nice wave to it. My problem remains I am a little thin on top. I have had so much of it grow back right now that I go with just a bandanna and/or a hat on the weekends, I just need to have it fill in a little more. Someday soon I will be able to go "topless" and let my hair down all the time.
Also I have made a major career change this week. I decided to give notice at my current job and go back to the paper. I am just tired of get up so early, or working so hard, and getting so little out of it. My old boss, who will be my new boss, made it very easy for me, she kept calling me asking me to come back. She also had my ex coworkers calling also trying to talk me into coming back. While there are some issues in going back it is nice to be wanted. No one and my current job has tried to talk me into staying, to me that speaks volumes. I know I will miss some aspects of the current job, but sometimes things happen for a reason. Wish me luck, I'm going back to a straight commission job. I'm just a gluten for punishment sometimes.
G'night and love to all.
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